


Broken mind

by jenny95k



Series: Inside the Fire [2]
Category: The Originals (TV), The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 09:35:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15726756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenny95k/pseuds/jenny95k
Summary: “I learned to recognise the thorough and primitive duality of man; I saw that, of the two natures that contended in the field of my consciousness, even if I could rightly be said to be either, it was only because I was radically both.”― Robert Louis Stevenson, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde





	Broken mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chinnystar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chinnystar/gifts).



> Hello everybody !! This chapter is collocated between chapter 25-26, when Tyallah trapped Stefan's mind into a dream. I started to write this story at the end of chapter 25, but it was too long so it should have been an entire chapter, but then again I chose not to post it. Your support made me change my mind, so I hope you will appreciate it.  
> Thank you in particular chinnystar, because you supported me and commented my story until the end, probably I wouldn't have posted this story otherwise. I hope you will appreciate this gift from me.

_Stefan was looking at himself in the mirror. It was a large, oval shaped mirror with a glamorous golden frame. Demon faces had been engraved on the frame, making it more macabre but not less charming for those who appreciate that kind of art. Under the mirrors there was a white marble table and on it there were a vase with black roses and a black mask._

_Stefan took it and then he noticed that he was wearing a pair of white leather gloves. Around his left wrist there was his silver bracelet and on the other one there was the rosary he always kept with him._

_He was sitting on an elegant and old-fashioned chair and now he noticed that he wasn’t waiting his hunter outfit anymore. He was wearing an elegant black suit, definitely unsuitable for hunting. Nevertheless Stefan had to admit that he looked ravishing with that suit._

_He looked around and he saw that he was in a bedroom. On the right side there was a white wood cabinet with silver finished and handles, on the left side there was a small bookcase with books and a big window with black curtains._

_In the center a large there was a large bed with blankets and black pillows and there was also what looked like a letter on it._

_Stefan stood up and came closer to the bed. He grabbed the letter and he could smell a soft perfume of roses on it, the same perfume of the black roses on the table._

_He unwrapped the envelop and read it. It was written in an elegant cursive handwriting. Whoever had written it, he or she was determinate to make a good impression._

 

_‘Dear Stefan,_

_I did not find in my heart words tender enough to explain the affection that I feel for you. Sweet lad with even a gentler heart, I have awareness that I’m not worthy of your friendship, or of your company, of a loving gesture from you. Nevertheless I hope you will not deny me the honor of a dance tonight. Hold your hands, have you in my arms it would be a dream come true.’_

 

_It wasn’t signed and Stefan was sure not to ever seen that handwriting anywhere. Oh, he would have remembered if someone had written a letter so gentle and delicate to him before._

_Stefan had never been particularly courted, even when he was only human. No now had written a letter like that and Stefan had always wanted to receive one, at least once in his life._

_Damon received a lot of letters from young girls but he rarely read them and when he did he laughed. That indelicate imbecile._

_Stefan thought that whoever had considered worthy of his time spending minutes or hours on writing a letter for him surely deserved to dance with him._

_Instinctively he put his lips on the letter and kissed it and then he noticed that he felt heat to the cheeks. How ? He put the letter inside the pocket of his jacket and then he turned around toward the mirror and he saw something beautiful._

_He was blushing, his cheeks had assumed a mild pink color and they were warm and alive. He also realized that he wasn’t wearing his ring under the glove, which meant that he was human. So wonderfully human. He wasn’t an empty shell who lived a miserable existence, he was a normal human guy and someone was waiting for him to dance with him._

_Stefan found himself smiling with tenderness and gleeful as a teenager at his first date. His legs were trembling, his heart was beating faster, and he couldn’t stop smiling and he didn’t even want to._

_Suddenly someone knocked at the door and Stefan invited that person inside._

 

 _“_ _Konbanwa, chichi. Watashi wa, anata ga iku junbi ga dekite iru koto o mite ureshīdesu”(Good evening father. I’m pleased to note that you’re ready togo”_

 

_Stefan remained stunned when he saw his little princess entering inside the room. If Eri hadn’t called him ‘chichi’ and if he hadn’t felt an unconditional love growing inside his heart as soon as he had seen her, he would have been ready to say that she wasn’t his daughter._

_Stefan was looking at a seventeen or eighteen years old version of Eri. The girl was wearing an elegant red Japanese dress, her hair was picked up in a chignon and decorated with red flowers and two hanging earrings that looked very familiar to Stefan but he couldn’t rememberer where he had seen them before._

_What was important it was the fact that Eri was beautiful and Stefan couldn’t be more proud of the refined young woman his little princess had become._

 

_“Anata wa eikō, watashi no ōjodesu.” (You’re splendid, my princess)._

 

“Ima oseji de hajimatte inai ka, naite sutāto ni natte shimaimasu. Ikou. Anata no ōji wa matte iruga, watashi ni dansu o iji suru tame ni oboete imasu.” (Do not start with compliments now or you will end up crying. Let's go. Your prince is waiting for you, but remember to save me a dance.)

 

_‘My prince ?’ Stefan thought. Now he was even more curious to know who was waiting to dance with him. Apparently Eri knew him and she approved him or at least she was glad for him._

_Eri helped him to wear the mask then she took his hand and then they went toward the ballroom together, hand in hand, not so appropriate but they didn’t care._

_Stefan wandered why she wasn’t wearing a mask but as soon as he noticed that little detail, a red mask appeared on the gentle face of his little princess. They went down thought three stair rails before to arrive in front of a big white door with golden decorations._

 

_“Are you ready ?” asked Eri._

 

_“I do hope. I’m not a good dancer” said Stefan nervously._

 

_“You will be wonderful, father”_

 

_Then the door opened and it revealed an enormous room, elegant and immense with a very high ceiling decorated with painting and candlesticks that illuminated the room. There were two long tables with any kind of food on them and were decorated with black and white roses. At the center of the dance room some couples were already dancing together. All the guests were wearing elegant dress and masks and Stefan couldn’t say if he knew someone there but he didn’t care._

_There was only one person he was looking for and he hoped to find him too._

 

_“Eri… where is he ?” he asked shyly._

 

_He didn’t want Eri to think that he didn’t know his ‘prince’, she would have thought he was crazy. His daughter would never approved him if he danced with a stranger man he knew nothing about._

 

_“Don’t you see him ? He’s right her” answered Eri with a shining smile._

 

_And Stefan saw him and he thought that if he died in that moment, he would have died as an happy man._

_He saw him and suddenly nothing else existed around him anymore, nothing had importance. He could barely breath, he could barely listen the beat of his heart._

_The gentleman in front of him could wear a white and silver mask but Stefan would always recognize him, his beautiful golden hair and his blue eyes that were looking at him with gentleness, desire, happiness and something else that Stefan couldn’t understand._

 

_“Go and have fun with your prince” said Eri leaving her father alone._

 

_Klaus was completa dressed up in white, like the angel Stefan had always considered him to be. A beautiful angel who was so close to hold his heart in his hands. Stefan could fall in love with that beautiful angel only looking at him in that moment. Why ? Why did that angel torment him ? Why did Klaus make Stefan feel that way ?_

_Stefan had never adored a man so much in his life, a man who could do anything to him and Stefan would let him do it._

_When the two men were close enough, Klaus gently grabbed his hand and he kissed it with adoration. Then he took the hand to his face, near his cheek and Stefan could feel a thin coat of beard and the skin of the hand, but he didn’t mind it._

 

_“I’m so happy you accepted my invitation. I thought you would be still mad at me”_

 

_“Mad ?” asked Stefan a little bit confused._

 

_“Yes… for what happened. I didn’t mean to hurt you and I hoped to do fine inviting you to dance”_

 

_“Oh… Thank your for your invitation then. I hate when we fight”_

 

_“Me too. I hate knowing tho have hurt your feelings. Please, give me the honor of a dance” asked Klaus kissing his hand again._

 

_Stefan nodded, not having the strength to verbally answer to Klaus._

_The blond lead his at the center of the dance floor. He gently braided their fingers together and heput and hand on Stefan’s hip._

_The brunette was a little worry. He wasn’t a good dancer and he was scared to embarrass himself in from of his angel and he was avoiding to look the other in the eyes._

 

_“Please, don’t deny me the view of your beautiful eyes. Don’t be afraid of anything. You will be wonderful”_

 

_Stefan obeyed and looked Klaus in the eyes and he believed him, he believed to his words. He knew that the blond was going to have care of him, that he wouldn’t let him fall, he wouldn’t let him embarrass himself. He trusted that Klaus would never abandon him and that they would remain together forever._

_As soon as they started to dance a sweet and melancholy song began._

 

**_Everything is fine now_ **

**_Let sleeping dogs lat_ **

**_All our minds made up now_ **

**_All our bed are made_ **

 

_One step, two step, then Stefan stopped to count them. He let himself go at that sweet dance._

_People danced around them, they laughed, they talked but Stefan didn’t care about them. He had eyes only for Klaus, for his wonderful smile, for the look of adoration and affection he was sent his way._

_He had no idea about the nature of the argument he and Klaus had, but he didn’t care anymore. If Klaus was there with him, it meant that the blond had chose him, that whatever was it wasn’t more important than them, then what they were sharing in that moment, then what they could have after that._

_Klaus was there and he was holding him in his arms and Stefan couldn’t stop smiling._

 

_“I love when you smile. Specially when your smiles are for me” said Klaus “If I thought that I was losing you forever. Could you ever forgive me ? For the terrible things I’ve said to you ?”_

 

_“Only if you answer me. Do you love me ?”_

 

**_No one’s out of time, no_ **

**_Chips fall wherever they may_ **

**_Leave it all behind, let the ocean wash away_ **

 

_Stefan needed to know, he had to be sure of this. Klaus had admitted to have feelings for him but not that he loved him. Stefan needed to listen those words from his mouth. He needed to be certain that his heart wasn’t going to brake._

_Suddenly Klaus’ eyes became sad and Stefan feared to have said something wrong. Then he feared that Klaus was going to say that he didn’t love him._

_Why did it matter so sudden ? Why was important ?_

 

_“Oh Stefan… There’s no words to tell you how much sorry I am for what I’ve said before. I love you. You have been the hand who dragged me away from the darkness, you have been my shield against the cruelty of life. When we first met I was nothing more than a shattered young boy in the body of a man who had nothing to give you if not his love. Your gentleness, the sweet words you told me during my darkest night… You believed me when everyone else considered me nothing more than… than…”_

 

**_It never was about the money or the drugs_ **

**_For you, there’s only love_ **

**_For you, there’s only love_ **

**_It never was about the party or the clubs_ **

**_For you, there’s only love_ **

 

_Stefan noticed that Klaus had tears in his eyes and he was tempted of taking his mask off from his face.But he didn’t. Stefan simply kissed him, those wonderful lips that tasted like heaven._

_What could Stefan ever do without that wonderful creature in his life ?_

 

_“Klaus… I love you. You golden hair angel who conquered my heart… I’ve dreamed of you for years, I’ve dreamed someone like you in my life for so many years of solitude, when the silence was the only thing that keep me company. I’m the one who is grateful for having you in my life. How could I ever repay you for the present of your company ?”_

 

_Klaus suddenly held him tighter and he hid his face between his shoulder and his neck, as he was scared of losing the man inside his arms and his body started to shiver. Stefan smelled the sweet perfume of his hair, so more inviting than the banal perfume of the roses. If he could touch and caress those golden strands forever._

 

_“If we could remain like this forever…together…” Stefan whispered._

 

_“You know I could never love someone like I love you, right ? You marked my heart, it’s your since the first time my eyes drunken in the view of you. I love you, I love you, I love you…”_

 

**_Cause you’re my religion, you’re how I’m living_ **

**_When all my friends say I should take some space_ **

**_Well I can’t envision that for a minute_ **

**_When I’m down on my knees, you’re how I pray_ **

**_Hallelujah, I need your love_ **

**_Hallelujah, I need your love._ **

 

_Stefan considered Klaus his religion, one of the few things that still kept him alive. God only knew how Stefan had been praying him for having the fortune of meeting someone like Klaus. Someone so beautiful and so kind who could love him, who could see him through his faults, who could appreciate him and understand him._

_Klaus was everything Stefan had always wanted from the world, he was the perfections that he had craved for himself._

_Klaus was consolation for his tears and the gift of his prayers to God._

_And the blond had told him he loved him but what was a simply sweet declaration of love turned into sobs and tears, into what it looked more like a prayer, the last song of a lover who was running away._

 

_“Why are you crying ?” asked Stefan grabbing Klaus’ face and caressing him._

 

_“Because… I truly feared you wouldn’t have come tonight. That I’ve already lost all the affection you hold for me and that I would never lose myself in the safety of your arms. You’re the man I love. The only man I’ll ever love. I want you to always remember me like this”_

 

_“Why living of memories when we would dance like this again ? I don’t want to remember you. I want to live with you, stay with you, love you with all my heart. I’ve always considered myself too much insignificant compered to anyone”_

 

_It was true._

_Stefan had never considered himself enough to do something important or to be the chosen one by people. He wasn’t beautiful like Damon and his father preferred him only because he didn’t behave rebellious as his older brother._

_He didn’t have any special talents, he couldn’t draw, sing, and he barely could play a violin._

_He used to write poems when he was human but then he stopped to do it._

_He was particularly famous among the other vampires, sometimes his fame as Ripper of Monterey preceded him but Stefan considered it a failure, something to be shame of._

 

**_Everything is bright now, no more cloudy days_ **

**_Even when the storms come, in the eye we’ll stay_ **

**_No need to survive now, all we do is play_ **

**_All I hear is music like Lay Lady Lay_ **

 

_Why were people so scared by love ? Why people preferred deny the happiness to themselves only because they feared to be hurt ?_

_Stefan now regretted so deeply not have reveal his feelings to Klaus earlier, because he was one who was so afraid of the only idea of being in love with someone._

_Being in love meant be disposed of giving up on anything for the person you loved; it meant being willing of showing yourself without any mask on your face; let the other seeing who you really were instead of who you wanted him to believe._

_Stefan had always wandered how could he make someone falling in love with him and accept him if he was the first who didn’t love himself._

_Every time he looked Klaus in the eyes, Stefan felt like he was the most beautiful thing in the world and he wanted Klaus to understand it._

_So he gently grabbed Klaus’ face, he wiped tears on his cheeks and then he gently kissed them._

 

_“Why are you so kind with me ?” asked Klaus._

 

_“Because I can’t be anything but kind with you” said Stefan._

 

_“And then you scare me sometimes” admitted Klaus lowering his gaze._

 

_Stefan’s eyes widen. Klaus ? Scare of him ? How could he scare the blond ? Stefan wanted to make Klaus happy, not afraid of him._

 

_“Are you afraid of him ?” asked Stefan hurt._

 

_Klaus looked up at him, aware of having said something wrong, something that would ruin the moment they were sharing._

 

_“I’m afraid of what I’m turning you into. I was a monster before to meet you. When I met you… I wanted to have you, physically. I wanted to burn you in the fire of my voluptuousness. I wanted you to beg me for making you mine and then I found myself on my knees for you… And then I understood…” said Klaus._

 

_“Understood what ?”_

 

_“That you possessed my soul before to have my heart”_

 

**_Cause you’re my religion, you’re how I’m living_ **

**_When all my friends say I should take some space_ **

**_Well I can’t envision that for a minute_ **

**_When I’m down on my knees, you’re how I pray_ **

**_Hallelujah, I need your love_ **

**_Hallelujah, I need your love._ **

 

_Klaus and Stefan danced together for what it seems like an eternity, before Klaus apologized himself, declaring that he wanted to drink something. Stefan wanted to follow him but the blond said that he would come back in few seconds and to wait him near the dance floor._

_Stefan tried to follow him with his gaze but then Klaus disappeared in the crowd of people and when Stefan decided to look for hims, someone grabbed him by his arm._

_The grasp on his arm was strong and firm, so whoever he was he was determinate not to let him go. Stefan wanted to push that rude away from him but then he recognize the guy, despite the mask on the face._

 

_“Henry… You’re… ravishing”_

 

_Stefan really meant it. Henrik had never looked that beautiful. It wasn’t the first time that he saw his friend in a suit but somehow Henrik looked much more beautiful in that moment or maybe Stefan was looking his ‘brother’ in a way he had never done before._

_Well, Stefan didn’t have the courage to admit it to himself but he had a little crush on Henry, ended up as soon as Stefan realized that the other was a real heartbreaker._

_Furthermore a relationship between them would have never been possible since they would be able to see each other rarely because they couldn’t stay in the same town more than 24 hours. Henry would have suffered, maybe, but Stefan would have done it more. Henry loved someone once, he would have never lived a relationship with the nativity of the first love._

 

_“You’re too kind with me. You’re breathtaking.”_

 

_Henry caressed his face with an hand and Stefan noticed that he was wearing black gloves similar to his. Stefan wandered if it was opportune letting another guy touching his face like that when he was with another boy._

_‘But Henry’s always touched me like that. It would be rude from me if I push his hand away’ Stefan thought. Only now he realized he was blushing._

 

_“Henry… I’m here with someone else. I don’t want him to see me and you… so close”_

 

_Henry’s hand stopped and his black eyes widen, then his gaze tapering and an adorable pout formed on his lips._

 

_“I hate that you tossed me aside because of that… type. You imposed me a lot of limits toward you, do you get it ?”_

 

_“I think it’s normal when you are with someone else”_

 

_“Really ? It doesn’t seem he shares your same convictions. Didn’t you two fought because you had seen him cheating on you ?”_

 

_‘What ?’ Stefan thought. What was Henry talking about ? Did Klaus cheat on him ? How ? When ? With Who ? Was that the reason why Klaus thought Stefan wouldn’t have accepted his invitation ?_

_Why ?_

_Klaus had said he loved him, he said that Stefan was the only man he would ever love. Was it a lie ? Clearly it was, clearly Klaus didn’t love him enough to respect him, to consider Stefan the only thing he needed. The brunette suddenly regretted to have said ‘I love you’ to Klaus. The blond didn’t deserve his declaration of love and affection, he didn’t deserve to have danced with him all night._

_Klaus had to come now to him, get on his knees, beg for Stefan’s forgiveness…_

_Suddenly he felt his cheeks got burned for anger and almost he didn’t recognize himself._

_That thoughts didn’t belong to him, he wasn’t the type to be so revengeful, or was he ?_

_Henry, who clearly understood his feelings, put his hands on Stefan’s hips and he smirked, satisfying for what he was seeing._

 

_“This is my favorite possessive, nasty, little, serial killer. I adore that look on your handsome face. It makes my spine shiver”_

 

_Then Henry grabbed Stefan’s by his chin and then he started to kiss him roughly, penetrating his mouth with his tongue. What surprised Stefan the most was that he was kissing the other back, not care about the possibility that Klaus would come back and see him kissing another man. No._

_Stefan’s arms surrounded Henry’s neck and pushed his face closer, so they could kiss deeper. Henry boldly grabbed Stefan’s rear with an hand and the brunette moaned in the kiss for it._

_It was the first time that a boy touched him like that and it was surprisingly pleasant._

 

_“That brat doesn’t touch you like this. He doesn’t understand how pleasant is the sex with another boy…”_

 

_“Apparently you’re more than willing to take his place” said Stefan licking his lips._

 

_Licking his lips ? It wasn’t him. He had never been so… bold, no when it came with intimacy, not when it came with kissing another boy in a public place, when there were so many people around them._

_He didn’t know why he was behaving like that, or maybe he did._

_Because he really wanted to kiss someone that way and being touched so sensually by someone. But he couldn’t; once because he was too attached at his romantic ideals of true love; then because he feared the intimacy with a stranger who he would never see again._

_He wanted to be kissed and touched that way by Klaus though.Stefan didn’t know what was happening, or better, he could imagine. He spent so many years alone, so many years afraid of people that it was always hard to welcome some in his life and when he did, he feared to lose them. The fear increased second after second, minute after minute, day after day. With Eri everything was… simpler. She was his daughter, she was his family and the probability that your own family left you are lower than the ones connected to a lover._

_Klaus wasn’t even his lover, not yet, they hadn’t talked about it, so Stefan was living in the constant fear of losing the blond for someone else._

_There were so many people better than Stefan, more confident, more secure about their sexuality, simply more. Stefan was an antisocial inept, who couldn’t stop himself from looking ridiculous in front of Klaus and who seemed incapable of any normal social interactions._

_Any wrong move he made could make him lose Klaus, his salvation and an happy future with someone to love._

 

**_Wish I may, Wish I might_ **

**_Find my one true love tonight_ **

**_Do you think that it could be you ?_ **

 

_“He doesn’t deserve you. You have saved him from damnation and nevertheless he tries to take your greatness away from you. He envies you because you’re stronger and powerful, more powerful than he could ever be.”_

 

_“And nevertheless he seems he could find better than me” said Stefan embittered._

 

_“You’re still in time to chose family, Stefan. Father has never approved your relationship with that boy.”_

 

_“Does Father approve his two sons making out like this ?”_

 

_“As much as he like having sex with us as well. We are this big unholy family after all”_

 

_“But I love him, Henry”_

 

_It was true. Klaus was everything Stefan had always hoped for himself. Handsome, sweet, caring. Klaus was the one who had given him the sweetest moment of his life. Klaus who had seen the worst and the best of him, who had seen him depressed and who had seen him in his best conditions. Klaus who had never told him to envy his conditions, on the contrary, the blond looked pretty upset when Stefan told him the truth, like Klaus didn’t approve his decision of making a deal with the Devil._

_Klaus understood the sadness of his conditions, the deep pain inside his heart and the solite that surrounded him because of it. Klaus was his true love._

_Was so wrong from Stefan wanting to kill anyone who tried to take his Klaus away from him ?_

_Was so wrong being willing of killing and destroying everything in the name of love ?_

 

**_If I pray really tight,_ **

**_get into a fake bar fight_ **

**_While I’m walking down the, the avenue_ **

**_If I lay really quite, I know that what I do isn’t right_ **

**_I can’t stop what I love to do_ **

 

_“Oh…” said Henry starting to pout again “I know it, my lovely brother. When you saw him with his lover… You lost it. I knew you were possessive but you scared him and entertained me as well. It’s always working when I’m entertained for something. You almost ripped that poor soul apart and threatened to turn it into a jigsaw puzzle”_

 

_“I fear I would have done… I fear I would have wanted…”_

 

_Stefan feared the sincerity inside his words. Was he really cruel enough to kill Klaus if the blond dared to betray him again ? Would has he killed Klaus for real when he had saw the blond cheating on him ? Was Stefan so cold hearted ? Maybe he was._

_Maybe it was something he should be proud of… Maybe…_

_Stefan knew that he could be possessive sometimes and he knew that, due to his insecure nature, he would get easily jealous of Klaus._

_He was a gentle boy with a black heart, capable of loving someone with all his heart and at the same time capable of destroying him if something went wrong. A man with a broken heart was a fatal thing, and Hunter instead was dangerous. Stefan would have sent Klaus’ soul to burn in Hell if the blond dared to hurt him._

_Which reminded him something… Where the hell the blond was ?_

 

_“Henry… Sometime I want to be weak enough to let the Hell burn me down. The skin I’m wearing is becoming narrow, too narrow. I wish I can replace her. I wish to be not so afraid of wanting what I want and actually get it. I wish… I wish to check on Klaus. Apparently he chose to play at hide and seek with me at the worst time. The murder inside of me scream for blood”_

 

**_So I murder love in the night_ **

**_Watching them fall one by one, they fight_ **

**_Do you think you’ll love me too ?_ **

 

_“Hey, You killed your bother Stefan. You’re not weak. You had the courage of put an end on his miserable existence. He stopped to steal days away from God thanks to you.”_

 

_“You always know what to tell to make me feel better”_

 

_“You know I like the idea of you not being a vampire anymore. I missed to have a black magic buddy and vampires are entertain only as far.”_

 

_“Magic buddy ? Creative”_

 

_Stefan couldn’t say that he was sad for not being a vampire anymore. He hated being a vampire, a creature controlled by his own thirst, more similar to animals than to a rational creature._

_When he thought about vampires the only things that came to his mind were thirst, animalistic instinct, sex… Stefan didn’t want to be a beast. But being a human wouldn’t have been enough,_

_Stefan wanted to be something superior, he wanted to be a God… he wanted to be a powerful creature without weaknesses, he wanted to reach the perfection he had always desired for himself._

_Even when he was human he knew that his skin wasn’t too little for him. He knew that he wanted something more than his human life could give to him. But he needed to know what Henry meant._

 

_“Yes. Cade has done something good when he decided of undressing you of your vampirism and give back your powers. If we’re going to find Klaus with his lover again… What are you planning to do to him ?”_

 

_“Do you want to know for reassurances or for have a primary taste of our future entertainment ?”_

 

_“The second, of course. Do you know that Sybil and I used to hunt together ?”_

 

_“Henry, everyone knows that you used to do a lot of things together”_

 

_“I meant real hunt. She taught me how to use a rifle. Have you ever used ones when you were human ? Have you ever participated in a hunting trip ?”_

 

_Stefan remained silent, trying to remember if he had ever took part in one of the millions hunting trip where his father took part. Then he remembered that he took part to three of four hinting trips, and that when he tried to look cold and upset for such activities he knew that, deep inside, he had fun._

_Hunt, bet, shoot… devour…_

_Point, hunt, capture… kill…_

_Stefan loved doing these things and he remembered that he was one of the best hunter of Mystic Fall, always winning competitions, always making his father proud._

_HIs thirst for blood and violence could be one of the reasons why he was so determinate to be a medic. Someone who saved people instead of killing them, someone who could do something good, instead of something terrible. Someone who Stefan could be proud of, instead of being disgusted._

_Maybe that was the problem. He had lived his whole life trying to be who he could be… rather than who he really was. He always tried to be whothe other wanted him to be… and now he looked, every day, someone in the mirror and he didn’t know if he was looking to himself._

_Did he want this to be his life for the eternity ?_

_A bunch go masks and lies and cowardly faces, like the ones who were dancing around him ?_

 

**_Baby, I’m a sociopath, Sweet serial killer_ **

**_On the warpath_ **

**_‘Cause I love you just a little too much_ **

**_I love you just a little too much_ **

**_You can see me, drinking cherry cola,_ **

**_sweet serial killer_ **

**_I left a love note, said you know I love, the thrill of the rush_ **

**_You know I love the thrill of the rush_ **

 

_“You’re looking like a betrayed lover on the warpath ? Do you realize it ?” asked Henry with a smirk._

 

**_Sweet serial killer_ **

 

_“He has already betrayed me, Henry” said Stefan pushing without any courtesy a couple of guests who were walking in front of him “And I love him. Or I wouldn’t be so mad about him with another person. I don’t understand… He said that he loves me, that he would never love any other man like me so why ? What am I doing so wrong to push him to go with other people ?”_

 

**_Sweet serial killer_ **

 

_“I could tell you a lot of reasons. First; he said that he would never love any other man, not woman. Secondly, Klaus may have changed but he would never be able to accept to be with someone stronger than him. He’s always considered himself the Alpha male, the one in charge. The one with power.”_

 

**_I love you just a little too much_ **

 

_“He left a love note to me for dancing with me tonight. Why ? Why if he doesn’t love me enough to be faithful to me ?”_

 

_“He’s messing up with you. I warned you that he was planning to run away with his lover. Fortunately, your lovely brother has the gift of seeing the future…”_

 

_“And what did you do ?” asked Stefan._

 

_Why was he feeling so exciting ? Why he was happy that Henry had done something terrible to help him ? Since when did he approve what Henry do to people ? Since when he was so glad to go hunting ? Since when the hunt was so appetizing for him ?_

_Why did he want to give up on this ?_

_He had spent over a century to find someone who could saved him from Hell, and he did, but apparently he wasn’t destined to salvation. So why keep fighting ? Why couldn’t he let himself drowning inside the darkness ?_

 

_“It’s a surprise. I knew that that blond ass knows the thrill of the rush better than anyone else. He has spent his whole life running away from Mikael. He’s the master of leaks. Let’s just say that I put a break on it”_

 

**_My black fire’s burning bright_ **

**_Maybe I’ll go out tonight_ **

**_We can paint the town in blue_ **

**_I’m so hot, I ignite_ **

**_Dancing in the dark and I shine._ **

**_Like a light I’m luring you._ **

 

_Stefan felt something hurting his wrist and he noticed that the bracelet was burning his skin and he was surprised that the glove wasn’t burning as well._

_But he noticed something strange. Usually when the bracelet burned, it was surrounded by a red light, this time it was black. Yes, his bracelet was becoming black. What did it mean ?_

 

_“Don’t be afraid of it, Stefan. It’s happen when we are one of the chosen”_

 

_“Chosen ?” asked Stefan “What do you mean ?”_

 

_“Oh Steffy, aren’t you telling me that you have nevernoticed that Cade has his favorites and that you are one of them, are you ?”_

 

_“But why me ? I always behave with disobedience and disrespect toward him. I never do what he orders to me. I just don’t understand”_

 

_“You’re his prodigal son, Steffy. What God would Cade be without a prodigal son ? What would we be without him ?”_

 

_“I don’t know if I ever consider Hell as…”_

 

_“You don’t have to consider nothing as anything, Steffy. The fires that burn your heart will be enough to make you part of something, part of our family.”_

 

_Stefan took his hand. He didn’t remember that that room was so big but they were finally arrived in front of the white door. On the other side there wasn’t anymore the saloon with the stairs._

_Stefan and Henry were in a sort of corridor, with black floor and the walls adorned with macabre paintings. In front of them there was a white door with black anemones painted on it. Stefan smiled with melancholy._

_The anemones were the flowers that represented the caducity of feelings, the sense of abandon and the betrayed love._

 

_“Is Klaus in there ? Is he alone ?”_

 

_“Klaus’s inside? Yes. Alone ? Don’t knock, don’t call him, just open the door” answered Henry shrugging._

 

_“I don’t know if I’m scarier or more impatient. A part of me is scared…”_

 

_Stefan was scared for two reasons. He was scared to open that door and see the man he loved in the arms of another person. He was scared to remain heartbroken. He was scared that he would never survive that kind of pain._

_A part of him… was scared that he could, maybe, enjoy hurting Klaus, or just enjoy the idea of hurting someone in general. Would he love hurting someone ? Would he love doing something terribly wrong to the man he loved only to prove him he belonged to him ?_

_Stefan knew he would. He knew that hurting people was something that made him feel excited. He needed to hurt them, he needed to do something wrong. Sometime it was stronger than him, it was just an instinct he couldn’t control._

 

_“What if I would kill him ?” asked Stefan_

 

_“What if he deserves it ?” asked Henry with a cruel smirk._

 

_Henry took Stefan’s hand and put it on the handle, as he was encouraging him to open the door. Stefan looked at his brother and then he slowly opened the door. So slowly that no one could hear it opening. Stefan’s heart was pumping inside his chest and both his hands and legs started to tremble._

_‘Normalize breathing, or he will heard you. He’s still a vampire…’._

_It was a good suggestion and Stefan was glad that he was a telepath._

_He opened the door completely and what he saw broke his heart in thousand shiny little pieces._

_Klaus was in the arms of someone else, clinging to him as all his life depended on it._

_Stefan couldn’t see who was the other person, she was wearing a platinum blonde wig, a red, quest of heart-style dress, with a skirt long until the ankles and a golden mask that covered her eyes._

_Stefan could feel the tears in his eyes and a huge pain inside his chest. What should he do now ? Should he kill her ? Should he torture her ?_

_How did he want to start ?_

_’Stop to think how Stefan Salvatore, the human guy, the man in love who has no indention of hurt Klaus… think like the murderer you’re born to be… think like the Hunter you really are…’_

_Henry was right. Betrayal was a sin, after all. Sins had to be punish, sinners had to burn in Hell. He wouldn’t do nothing out the ordinary._

_That was his mission, create order and justice when caos and cruelty rules. Bad people deserved to die because they made the world look uglier._

_‘Punish him Stefan… he’s the only weakness you have left… then you will be perfect’._

_He was going to speak, when he noticed the presence of someone else in the room. Stefan gasped. There was a mirrorright in the opposite wall in the room, he could see his reflex, but it wasn’t… his reflex what he was seeing. The man in the mirror was smiling, cruelly, dangerously. What terrified him the most was that the man in the mirror, the Ripper, got out of it, but he didn’t come closer to Stefan. No, he began to talk._

 

_“Good evening… I’m sorry to interrupt something important… Actually, I’m not sorry at all”_

 

_At the sound of his voice Klaus and the girl jumped. Klaus looked at him with terrified eyes and the girl started to tremble and she held Klaus tighter. Hoping the he could protect her from his fury, but Klaus wasn’t strong enough, he didn’t have the power._

_Stefan had the power, Stefan was as strong as the Ripper but his entire body was petrified, too scared to even try to do something. He tried hard to think about anything else, to focus on something else, but he couldn’t tear his eyes off the Ripper. Of the man Stefan’d always feared to become, to really be._

_The Ripper smiled, because everything Stefan knew he knew too. He wasstronger than those two pieces of scum, he was the one in charge, he had the upper hand, he was going to make their life a living Hell._

 

_“You know… My brother, when he got drunk, he likedgambling. When he was sober, and he was idiot only an half, he always lost. He thought he understood people but his opponents were always better to understand his game and beat him.”_

 

_“What do you want to say ? What…” asked the girl while Klaus remained silent._

 

_Ripper completely ignored her, as she wasn’t in the room. He was completely focused on Klaus. Stefan barely heard her voice, barely considered the fear in her voice._

_Was that the feeling a saint feel before to sin ? That thrilling, scaring knowledge of sinning, that you were on the point of committing a shame that would mark your soul forever._

_The Ripper was the line Stefan didn’t dare to surpass, nut he couldn’t avoid to remain fascinated by the monster inside him._

_Why himself didn’t fascinate him as well ?_

_Why ?_

_Ripper was the expression of all the passions Stefan didn’t dare to live. The living proving of an eternal struggle with the instinct and what it wished among anything else… freedom._

_Freedom of taming, freedom of hunting, freedom of tasting the sweet venom of sin and being killed by it._

_The Ripper licked his lips sensually before speaking again._

 

_“… When he was drunk, he didn’t have more luck, but the alcohol made him more audacious. It was him that taught me that life is all about gambling. You makes choices without know the outcomes, some of them are winning other not. And when I met you I understood that I was playing another game, that I was gambling” said Ripper_

 

_“Really ? Are you comparing our relationship to a dependency ? Harmful, to avoid and that can lead to a crazy obsession ?” asked Klaus hurt._

 

_“Clearly you have a worse consideration than mine, since you’re here with a wench”_

 

_Klaus opened his mouth. Probable to reprove him but Ripper put a finger on his lips and stopped him from saying anything._

_He didn’t want to listen his useless explanations, not before he concluded his talk._

_Stefan narrowed his eyes and then he noticed black tears along Ripper’s cheeks. Why was the Ripper crying ?_

_An huge pain in his chest made his gasped, prevented him to breath and only then Stefan realized that he was crying as well._

_His green eyes met Ripper’s ones. Green in the green, pain in the pain. Surrender in violence._

_Because that was their dance. Stefan absorbed the pain and let it consumed him, suffocated him, petrified him and reduced him to nothing. Ripper reacted with violence. Pain made Ripper hungry of pleasure he could only find in passions._

_Passions of blood, passions of love, passions of hate, passions that would made blush even the greatest sinner of the world._

_The Ripper was hungry, just one taste, he would be free and Stefan didn’t know if he could get out alive that time._

 

_“I must confess… I knew what I was risking by loving you, being with you, believing in your words. My family told me that you weren’t good enough for me…”_

 

_“Your family only manipulate you, Stefan !! That was why I wasn’t completely happy with you. Being with you meant being the wife of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hide. One moment you’re the sweetest guy of the world and then you became a psychopath murderer !!”_

 

_Then… Then the Ripper hit him for the first time. He had punched Klaus in the face and then pushed away the girl when she tried to help the blond. The girl hit the wall and she lost her sense but neither Ripper or Klaus were giving he attention._

_Henry smirked in front of that scene. He came closer to the girl to look her better. He was curious to know her secrets, her little innocents dirty sins, he was tempted to torture her and manipulated her. But tonight he wasn’t the star of the show. The Ripper kneed, than he came back inside the mirror, that shattered as soon as the man inside entered._

_Stefan looked petrified for what he had just done. Apparently he wasn’t used to use physical violence against people, not when he had deep feelings for them._

_But was he thinking to himself as he was who’d just killed two people ? He didn’t kill them… It wasn’t him… he loved Klaus… he loved so much he would kill… no he loved Klaus so much he would die for him._

_What was happening to him ? Why were his hands trembling ? They didn’t do anything, they didn’t kill that girl. He wasn’t guilty._

_Or maybe he would have… because that was what the Ripper had wanted, the Ripper was part of him, which meant that a part of Stefan was so angry over Klaus’ betrayal to kill him._

_Henry wasn’t fond of physical violence himself, he preferred torturing them with his power, make them living the worst moments of their lives over and over again, until he drove them to the madness. There was nothing more entertained than make someone cry and scream and beg for mercy._

_Well, Stefan needed someone who remembered him the joy of being a little mischievous._

_‘Remember he deserves it. Continue with he conversation about gambling, it was entertaining’._

_Stefan didn’t start any conversation, he simply wanted to go away and he was, going away, when the Ripper appeared again, that time at his side._

 

_“Why are you a coward ?” Asked the Ripper to Stefan “If you only could be more audacious…”_

 

_The Ripper pushed Stefan behind than he talked to Klaus._

 

_“I know that I should have done better… That I should have followed my instinct that suggested me of not pointing too much on you. I would have lost too much. But I choose to risk everything for you. I love you Klaus. I didn’t mean to hit you, but you did hurt me and I…”_

 

_“I said that I love you, Stefan. I know you loved me once, but you don’t love me anymore.”_

 

_“Why don’t I love you ? Is it because I don’t like seeing you with someone else ? Is too much to ask to be the only one for you ?”_

 

_“You don’t understand”_

 

_“I just want to understand one thing, do you really want me ? Am I enough for you ? Do you really love me ?”_

 

 

**_Sneak up on you, really quiet,_ **

**_Whisper “Am I what your heart desires ?”_ **

**_I could be your ingenue._ **

**_Keep you safe and inspired,_ **

**_Baby, let your fantasie unwind._ **

**_We can do what you want to do._ **

 

_Maybe it sounded pathetic but at this point Stefan needed to know the truth. He needed to know that he had done the right thing by destroying his walls and let Klaus enter inside his heart._

_He needed to know the he didn’t believe in a lost cause, in an illusion. He needed to hope that he could still be saved somehow._

_That he hadn’t done a terrible mistaking by giving his heart to Klaus._

_‘He’s your only weakness, Stefan. Kill him and be a part of our family…’_

_The Ripper hit his counterpart in the face._

 

_“Pay attention” he ordered “You don’t need any proof but the one I’m giving to you. Because if I don’t earn things for us, then you will never go anyway”._

 

_Stefan tried to answered, but any sound came out from his mind. Ripper mocked him, then he pushed the other away and turned his attention to Klaus again._

_Klaus, who seemed not to have noticed Stefan’s presence at all, spoke._

 

_“I love you… but not enough. I don’t accept not to be in control of our relationship, I can’t put it up with the idea that you’re the one with the power.”_

 

_“Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t involve power or dominations !!” Ripper screamed frustrated._

 

_“Really ? One day you told me that I was the soul who filled the empty shell that was your heart, that I was the air your breath and that you would never let me go. Apparently it was a declaration of love but deep down, it was a threat. You know. You were warning me about breaking up with you.”_

 

_“I just wanted to be loved. I just wanted you to love me… I didn’t want to control you, or abuse you, or abuse of my power… I just want to be with you… I protect you from my family.Have you ever thought about the reason why they didn’t kill you ? It’s because of me”_

 

_“Did you sleep with your father ?” asked Klaus furious._

 

_Stefan was going to answer but then he stopped himself. Why so suddenly answering no sounded more like a lie than the truth ? Of course he didn’t sleep with Cade, the only idea of having sex with him was enough to make him throw up._

_But he let Cade touching him and the few times he did it had been… sexy. When Cade touched him Stefan felt like he was in heaven. All his frustrations, all his inners desires, all his crazy obsessions locked up in one touch…_

_Cade liked touching him and Stefan would have been a liar if he said he didn’t like to be touched like that, specially by another man._

_Stefan… who had never been touched by another man, who had never been desired by another man, who had never belonged completely by another man. Someone who had told him to be his. Stefan who had never enjoyed of the touch of someone who he really wanted. But that was strictly physical._

_The smirk on Ripper’s face told another story completely._

_The Ripper smiled told that Stefan enjoyed playing hard to get it with Cade, enjoyed that the greatest charmer of Hell courted him. It made him feel powerful._

_Ripper loved power, so did Stefan. Ripper loved having people wrapped around his fingers and so did Stefan. Because they were two of one, no one of them could be split from the other part._

_Father was Cade, father was the king of hell, the father of any Hunter. Stefan owned him his curse, Ripper owned him his salvation. Stefan owned him his depression, Ripper owned him his power._

_Stefan would never sleep with Cade._

_Ripper would sleep with him only to make Cade fall in love and then throw him away._

_If Stefan was hear, Ripper was mind. When Stefan was mind, Ripper was instinct. Not matter how many treats they could share, there would always be something that put them at the different side of the chessboard._

 

_“I didn’t sleep with my father… I’m not a cheater. I don’t need to sleep with people to get what I want. And even if I had done… what would be the problem ? No one.”_

 

_“You’re indirectly admitting you are a manipulator” said Klaus._

 

_“Sometimes you need a manipulator to recognize another” commented Henry still smirking._

 

_“Only because I need to survive. You can’t understand me. I guess it must be so easy for you judging me from your high pedestal. But you’ve fallen, my king. You’ve fallen… because you’re stupid… because you’re a failure… because you don’t worth nothing…”_

 

_“See ? Now you’re becoming cruel” commented Klaus pushing Ripper away._

 

_“Being cruel is a fault… but not a crime” commented Henry._

 

_Ripper smirked then he came closer to Henry. He gently grabbed his face and then he started to kiss his cheeks. He smelled his cologne, he tasted his skin and then he kissed his soft lips. Aware of the fact that Klaus was seeing everything with wide eyes, He began to lick Henry’s lips, then he suckand bite them, while Henry started to touch his hair, then his face, his neck, his shoulders, his chest, all of him. Klaus wanted to separate them but a voice inside his head ordered him to say still and looked at the two._

_He pushed roughly and passionately his tongue inside Henry’s mouth. It was the first time that He was so bold when it came with intimacy with another man. Henry was letting his tongue dominate his own, he let Stefan’s tongue marking all his mouth and his teeth touching his._

_Stefan was surprised of himself, because he knew that Klaus was looking a them, he knew that the blond didn’t like what was happening, Stefan knew that he was hurting Klaus and somehow this pushed him to do even worst._

_Stefan wanted to scream at them to stop, that Klaus understood his mistake, that they had to leave him alone. He wanted to hold Klaus in his arms and tell him that he was safe, that Stefan didn’t love Henry. That he didn’t want any of that._

_Ripper grabbed Henry’ by his jacket and pushed him against the wall, than he unbuttoned the first buttons and loosened the knot of his tie. Stefan started to lick and bite the skin of Henry’s neck, as he probably had done several time with Klaus._

_‘Am I a sinner ?’ asked Stefan to Henry while Ripper was still kissing his neck._

_‘You’re not. Klaus is the sinner. He has cheated on you. He deserves to be punish’ answered Henry while he was moaning lauder than necessary._

_‘Isn’t God’s duty punishing bad people ?’._

_‘God doesn’t always punish sinners appropriately. Sometimes He’s too merciful with his children’._

_‘Doesn’t God punish them ?’ asked Stefan again._

_’No… He waits the devil to do it. Go on… punish him…’_

_So Ripper kept kissing him until he left an hickey and then it let Klaus see it._

 

_“ See ? I can be a jerk and a slut too, when I want. I could have done something like this to you, but you didn’t want me. And I don’t care anymore. I was gambling and I lost. That’s okay. I will play another game. This time I play better.”_

 

_“You didn’t want anything else, did you ? You were waiting for me to do something wrong. According to your father I was your only weakness… now what ? What are you going to do ?”_

 

_“He will finally change his skin. He will become like me…”_

 

_“Stop talking about him like he’s a sort of snake. He’s a person, he has his dignity. He has a…”_

 

_“A good heart ?” interrupted him Henry._

 

_“He has people who…”_

 

_“Loves him ? Where are they ?” asked Henry coming closer to Klaus._

 

_“He can still be…”_

 

_“Saved ? Your former self would have understood better than anyone how important is being our true self instead of forcing himself of being someone else. He can finally accept himself”_

 

_“A murderer ?”_

 

_“A Rippah…” answered Henry imitating Klaus’ accent._

 

_Henry looked toward the girl and he pointed her with a finger._

 

_“Go Stefan… kill her… Be yourself… Don’t be afraid…”_

 

**_Baby, I’m a sociopath, Sweet serial killer_ **

**_On the warpath_ **

**_‘Cause I love you just a little too much_ **

**_I love you just a little too much_ **

**_You can see me, drinking cherry cola,_ **

**_sweet serial killer_ **

**_I left a love note, said you know I love, the thrill of the rush_ **

**_You know I love the thrill of the rush_ **

 

 

_And Stefan did. Not the Ripper, but him._

_He had nothing more to lose anymore. Klaus didn’t want him, didn’t love him enough to be faithful to him, Eri was an adult now and he was her otōsan, she would understand, she would love him anyway. And he was ready… he was ready to change his skin._

_And so he did._

_He woke up the girl, he whispered words near her ear and then he created a dagger with his magic and gave it to her._

_The girl started to cut her hair with the dagger, an insult and a wound to her femininity._

_Then he whispered to her to cut off her lips, to punish the part of her body who had dared to offend him. She did, she put the dagger close to her lips and then, slowly, she cut her lips off. First the low lip then the other while the blood started to go down the chin. When she finished, het teeth were discovered._

_Stefan grabbed her chin then he looked at toward with a cruel smile. During all of this, the Ripper was a silent shadow behind him._

_Ripper was his second skin, the venom of the snake, the monster under the man under the mask._

_Ripper was silent, but Stefan could hear his screams._

_Ripper wanted Stefan to continue, to prove himself he was brave enough to do whatever he wanted, to prove to the world that no one messed with them and got away with that._

_Them… not him… Them._

 

_“Doesn’t she have a pretty smile ?” asked Ripper licking Stefan’s ear._

 

_“You don’t have to do this. Stop yourself now that you’re still on time” begged him Klaus._

 

_“Of course I do. It’s my last test. Then I will be finally a part of the family. Father will be proud of me… while yours had always considered you nothing more than a disappointment.”_

 

_Stefan whispered other words to the girl. She grabbed the dagger again and then she began to cut herself all over her body. On the arms, on the legs, the hands, the stomach, her hips, deep enough to make her bleed but not so enough to kill her._

 

_“You chose her… Klaus. You chose to feed on her love. Now I want you to feed on her”_

 

_“Please, this isn’t you. She doesn’t have to pay for my mistake”_

 

_“I totally agree. Come here, drink her blood, kill her and put an end on her misery”_

 

_“No… I won’t… Don’t be a psychopath, this isn’t you…”_

 

_“But I’m a psychopath and I’ve no intention to change. Now come here, I command you”_

 

**_Sweet serial killer_ **

 

_Klaus tried to struggle against that order but his body and his mind didn’t obey him anymore. He came closer to the girl, he kneed near her and then he looked at Stefan. He tried to find the love he knew Stefan once felt for him but he didn’t find nothing, but anger and bitterness. So Klaus knew that he wasn’t going to have any mercy by Stefan, that he had just lost the man he loved forever, because of his weakness, because he wanted to be something more, because he wanted to be the powerful one. Because love was too much and not enough at the same time._

_Here he were now… on his knees, near to the girl he had feelings once. Now it was too late._

 

_“I thought for a moment to make you turn your feelings off, but you don’t deserve it. You don’t need to turn your humanity off to be cruel”_

 

_“Are you getting that you’re doing to me the same thing that Cade has been trying to do with you since the start ?”_

 

_“Cade… Cade… Cade… He always said to me that humans are cruel by nature and when vampires don’t turn their humanity off they are similar to humans than you could accept. When vampires don’t have their humanity they are more like beasts. You’re not a King, not a God, you’re a beast. I’m doing you a favor by making kill the girl like a man a not like a beast. Now do it. I don’t find blood appealing anymore and someone has to clean up this mess”_

 

**_Sweet serial killer_ **

 

_Klaus didn’t want to do it, but he knew he didn’t have any other choice. Stefan’s words were like a dagger who hit him right in the heart and made him bleed. The knowledge that he was going to die, by the hand of the only man e would ever love, was enough to make him drink the blood, a little taste of sweetness before the bitter death._

_He licked the blood. bite the girl’s skin. He did it slowly, hesitating, as he was apologizing to the girl for that was happening to her. As he was caressing her and keeping her hands while she was dying. Because she wouldn’t last long anymore._

_It was so sad for her, she was dying alone by the only man inside the room who had given to her a last moment of tenderness. No friends, no parents, no allies… No one, but him, the man who chose her doom._

_Klaus listened when her heart stopped to beat. He kept to drink her blood, until he felt an hand grabbing him by his hair._

 

_“You can stop here.”_

__

**_I love you just a little too much_ **

 

_Stefan grabbed Klaus’ chin then he kissed him. Henry growled in disappointment but Stefan didn’t care. He loved Klaus, a part of his heart would always belonged to the blond angel. A moment of light for an eternity of darkness. And he wasn’t scared anymore._

_Stefan just wanted Klaus to die with his taste on his lips and not with the blood of the girl on them. Stefan wanted to mark those lips as his forever. Klaus would be sent in Hell as his possession, as his lover, his, his and only his forever._

_He grabbed those beautiful and soft blond strands one last time, biting those lips who used to make him feel like he was tasting the Paradise instead. There was desperation, in the way Klaus was kissing him back. As the blond was hoping for Stefan’s forgiveness, or at least for a last moment of love and tenderness before the eternal desperation. The worst part was that Klaus would face up Hell alone, without Stefan at his side, without his arms ready to protect and hold him during the darkest night. Klaus had wasted the love of his life and there wasn’t torture in Hell more painful than it._

_Because he loved the guy he was kissing, he loved, he loved him with all his heart._

 

_“I love you just a little too much… and nevertheless it wasn’t enough for both of us…”_

 

_Stefan kissed Klaus’ cheek then he stood up and let the red Hellfire from his bracelet burning down Klaus and the girl._

_He remained there and he saw the man he loved burning down in front of his eyes. He remained there and listened Klaus screaming, but the blond kept his dignity until the end, he screamed but he didn’t beg for help or mercy. He was accepting his destiny with dignity. Stefan admired him for this. Most of his victims acted pathetically while they were burning. Klaus not._

_Klaus was a unique creature even during his death and Stefan knew he was going to miss him a lot._

_Then he felt an hand on his shoulder._

 

_“You did a great job, brother… Let the flares burn him down…”_

 

_“I’m seeing him die… I’m killing him and I can’t be happy anyway”_

 

_“God doesn’t laugh when he sees his children die.” Said Henry_

 

_“Does a God fear the judgment of another one ?” Asked Stefan._

 

_“A God is not a God because he can’t fear another one, someone is a God because he doesn’t fear whatever sentences would be best upon him. Death or life. Life or death. If you’re not afraid of them, then you’re not afraid of what God thinks of you”_

 

 

_“A monster can’t avoid to fear the light”_

 

_“A man could learn instead. Now, come with me. Become a part of the family”._

 

_Henry gently took his hand and then he kissed it. Henry was looking him in the same way Stefan had always wanted Damon to. With proud, admiration and affection._

_Stefan kissed him on the cheek then he followed him out of the room._

_When the door opened in front of them, Stefan found himself in place surrounded by the flames and the victims that he had killed and that were burning inside those flames._

 

_“Bastard !”_

 

_What kind of place was that ?_

 

_“Assassin !”_

 

_Why was he there ? It was like he was just in Hell._

 

_“Murderer !”_

 

_What was happening ?_

 

_“Abomination !”_

 

_Why wasn’t he scared ?_

 

_“Monster !”_

 

_Why was he feeling as he was home for the first time in his life ?_

 

_“Devil’s whore !”_

 

_Why ?_

_Since he had just lost his fairytale with the happy ending._

_‘Because I couldn’t live in a fairytale of lies’ Stefan thought._

_But why was he surrounded by flames ?_

_People around him were insulting him, they had all the right, or maybe not. Stefan had never killed an innocent person, they are all guilty of something unforgivable, they all deserved to die somehow, they all deserved to burn in Hell and the Hunter didn’t feel regret for any one of them. He wasn’t proud, but he didn’t feel guilty either. He had spent too much time killing people like them to still be able to feel remorse._

 

_“There are no words to explain how much proud I am, Stefan”_

 

_Stefan recognized that voice. It belonged to his new father, to the Father he had just chose to serve for the eternity. The Father who had been waiting for him for so long and in the end the Prodigal Son stopped to fight._

_Stefan turned around toward Cade and he got on his knees, in sign of reverence and respect. At his side, Sybil, his new mother, was looking at him with the same admiration and love of his father. Henry was at the other side of Cade. They were his new family, he belonged to them and they belonged to him. That was the family he had just chosen._

 

_“I know you would find your way to come back to me. To us. We are the people who truly love you”_

 

_“Damon… your father… your mother… Klaus…” said Sybil._

 

_“They all used and abused you. They took advantage of your gentle heart. We won’t, we have been waiting for you for years… But now…” said Henry._

 

_“Now we need you to prove to us that you’re ready to do everything to pleasure us. You’ve already killed your brother, the one who sent you toward us. But not you gave to let your life go. There’s still a light inside you, I want you to destroy it.”_

 

_Cade pointed with a finger someone behind Stefan. When the brunette turned around he felt scared._

 

_“Good luck Stefan” said Henry behind him “I’m afraid you have to prosecute alone.”_

 

**_Feet don’t fail me now_ **

**_Take me to the finish line_ **

**_Oh my heart it breaks_ **

**_every step that I take_ **

**_But I’m hoping at the gates_ **

**_They’ll tell me that you’re mine_ **

 

_Stefan gasped. He was scared of what Cade was asking from him. He hoped not to lose his courage now, he hoped not to be coward now that he needed to show the best of himself. He hoped that his feet would be strong enough not to let him fall, that his heat would be strong enough not make him crushed under the sense of guilty. He hoped to have made the right choice when he had killed Klaus. He hoped he was going to make the right choice now too._

_He hoped his feet would never hesitate along the path, he hoped for his legs to be able to carry himat the end of the tunnel, to the finish line, where there wasn’t place for pain, of regrets or tears._

 

_“Good evening Lexi” he said, almost whispering._

 

_Lexi name sounded more like a blasphemy from his lips and the taste of her name never sounded more bitter. Stefan could accept and live with the knowledge of having killing Damon and having let Klaus to rot in Hell, but Lexi was another thing completely. She was the best part of him, she was his best friend, his sister, the second most important woman in his life he couldn’t let her rot in Hell. It wasn’t fair, she didn’t deserve nothing to suffer just like the other piece of junk around him, who were screaming and cursing his name through the flames._

_His heart hurt inside his chest after each step he took toward Lexi._

_She was so beautiful. She was wearing a white long dress that made her look like a Goddess, no, no she was a Goddess. Stefan worshipped her as he had never done with anyone in his life, not even his mother who wasn’t worthy of his love and affection._

_When he arrived in front of her, so close to be able to touch her, Lexi caressed one of his cheek with an hand and only now Stefan realized he was crying._

 

_“Don’t cry, my friend. It’s too late now. Just pray for me for the last time”_

 

_“I didn’t want this for you. I didn’t… I don’t want you to rot in Hell…”_

 

_“But I won’t. If it is what you’re worrying about. It won’t be my soul that will burn with the other poor souls. It would be yours.”_

 

_“Why are you sayingthis ?”_

 

_“Because I’m innocent. I killed a man but I spent my whole life being good, taking care of the other person, praying God. I’m not a bad person and you’ll be a murder after having killed me. You’re going to lose all the light you have left. Heaven’d doo will be close for you forever. Are you really ready ?”_

 

_Stefan had thought he was until that moment. For heaven’s sake, he had killed the man he loved, so what the hell was happening now ? He had killed another innocent before, he was a murderer already. There weren’t place more right for him than Hell, it was his home or the jail where he deserved to be._

_He was ready to leave the skin of the confused young boy, he was ready to take the mask of the innocent from his face, he was ready to be who he really was. A monster, a ripper, himself._

_Stefan Salvatore, the human boy, with the gentle heart and sweet smile on his face, who wanted to become a medic to save people only born to die and give the birth to the monster._

_The deepest darkness always came from the brightest light… always. Stefan was ready to give birth to the darkness that has been growing inside his wood for too much time._

 

_“I have to be ready. There’s nothing left to me but being myself. I can’t live a life of lies. I’m sorry Lexi but is you or…”_

 

_“… I know. I understand. I just wanted something more for you than this”_

 

_“This is the problem, Lexi. There’s nothing more to him. You can just hold my hand for last time and walking at my side until the end. Where I will know that you’re going to Paradise and you’ll be near God, as you deserves”_

 

_“You can’t ask me to accompany you toward your damnation… You’ll have to go there alone… Kill me”_

 

_“Lexi… please”_

 

_“In the end, we gives ourself to God at the same way, defeated, lost, alone. I was born to die, I will die to exist. Kill me”_

 

_“No” begged Stefan._

 

_“Kill me… So you will kill the man you used to be… I’m the past you can’t leave behind”_

 

_Begging someone not to kill her wasn’t the best way to make a good impression in front of his new family. But Lexi wasn’t someone, she was his best friend, his family, she was his innocence. She was letting him go tough, at least she was trying to understand him. There was nothing left to say or do. Stefan hugged her tight in his arms, smelled the sweet perfume of her hair and then he broke her neck, fast as the light. She didn’t deserve to die suffering, not more painfully than she had already done. She deserved to die fast, in the arm of the person who had tried to make her proud and fail and nevertheless the only person who had loved her with all his heart. Because if Stefan had ever loved a woman in his life it was her._

 

_“I love you Lexi, please forgive me”_

 

_Then he kissed her on her lips. Behind him, his new family were clapping their hands and Stefan knew he had passed the test._

_Suddenly the flames in front of him got separated and revealed a path. A long street but the end of it was impossible to see due to the darkness._

_A silhouette appeared in from of him and Stefan smiled with embitter when he recognized who that individual was. Apparently Cade wanted him to fight the ghosts of his past one last time before becoming part of his family._

 

_“Good evening… Damon”_

 

_“Hello brother. Apparently I will be the one to accompany you to damnation. Are you ready ?” asked Damon smirking._

 

_“I’ve been ready since the day I killed you”_

 

**_Walking through the city streets_ **

**_Is it by a mistake or design ?_ **

**_I feel so alone on a Friday night_ **

**_Can you make it feel like home_ **

**_If I tell you you’re mine ?_ **

**_It’s like I told you honey_ **

 

_Without waiting for Damon to answer him, Stefan stood up and started to walk away leaving his brother’s soul behind._

_Damon was the worst company he could ever have at his side in a moment like that. For a moment he regretted not to have obliged Lexi to stay with him instead of killing her. He had already disappointed his friend enough, one more disappoint wouldn’t have done more damages. Instead now he found himself with the biggest idiot that world had ever had the disgrace of given birth._

 

_“How is it the Hell, brother ? Did it manage to cut your insufferable tongue off?” asked Stefan stubbornly avoiding to look Damon in the face._

 

_“Now do you care ? Because of you, there’s nothing but an eternity of misfortune, suffering and misery for me. I spend every minute of my existence tormented by nightmares, by the screams and the insults of the people I have hurt.”_

 

_“You got what you deserve, Damon. I feel like I should thank you anyway. I don’t know if I have the luck to be part of the most powerful family on the earth by a mistake of yours or because of the design of my faith but if I’m here is thank to your stupidity”_

 

_“Who’s more stupid between you and me ? You’re the one who makes deals with Devil”_

 

_“Yes, big mistake. I should have let your soul burn in Hell a long time a go, brother”_

 

_Stefan hit Damon with a punch. Then he grabbed him by his throat, to look him in the eyes. Those blue eyes like sapphires that used to be his home… Oh there was a time when Stefan had loved those eyes with all his heart. There was a time when Stefan would have done anything he could to make his brother proud of him, to be respected by him, to be loved by him. Not anymore. Damon had disappointed him too much time._

_Nevertheless that man would always be his brother, a part of him, a part of his life, blood of his blood. Fortunately, family had never been about blood and Stefan had never felt part of Salvatore family anyway. There wasn’t place for someone like him in an happy normal human family._

 

_“If you had known how things ended… would you have abandoned me anyway ?”_

 

_“Would I have left you for having a life for myself ? A girl who loved me over you ? Friends whose chose me over you ? Funny how my life began when yours ended”_

 

_“I’ve always lived in your shadow, brother. People liked you, your charisma, your ability to make people laugh and smile. It was a natural talent of yours and of course you’re more handsome than me. I’ve always had to make affords to make people appreciate me instead. Nothing had ever been given to me spontaneously by people, I’ve always have to earn them.”_

 

_“Really ? Father despised me, you were his Golden boy. Mother told me I was a complicated child but I suppose that it’ wasn’t the same for you”_

 

_“You were too much spineless to have something on your own this is why you have always had to steal things from me. Fortunately you’re not going to hurt me anymore”_

 

_“Remember this, Stefan, we give ourself to God at the same way, alone. I hope you will be alone forever”_

 

_“Don’t make me laugh, don’t try to hurt me, Damon. Loneliness has been devouring my soul since the day of my born. I was born alone, I can only hope someone will be kind enough to hold my hand when I die”_

 

_Stefan pushed Damon away and started to walk again._

_There was no point in fighting, Damon wasn’t the right person who could make him change his mind. Damon always knew how to make Stefan lose his mind. There was no word or action that didn’t make Stefan mad._

_The truth was that Stefan would have been more like his older brother, more confident, more determinate to take what he wanted instead of simply taking what life gave to him._

_Stefan didn’t have a face or a personality, he was a mask who played a part, in any single instant of his life._

_He was the good polite boy._

_He was the diligent student._

_He was the golden Salvatore brother._

_He was the perfect son._

_He was the better man._

_He was the guy with gentle heart._

_He was the player._

_He was the liar._

_He was the murder._

_He was the Ripper of Monterey._

_He was the someone and could be so many other people. Someone who had no face or identity couldn’t do anything but adequate himself at the situation._

 

**_Don’t make me sad_ **

**_Don’t make me cry_ **

**_Sometimes love is not enough_ **

**_and the road gets tough_ **

**_I don’t know why_ **

**_Keep making me laugh_ **

**_let’s go get high_ **

**_The road is long, we carry on_ **

**_Try to have fun in the meantime_ **

 

_Even if he was walking through a path surrounded by flames he felt strangely cold and he also felt alone even in the middle of all those shouts, screams and blasphemy against him. Stefan was surprised by his excellent memory, even if a lot of years passed, he still remembered who exactly belonged to all the screams around him, he still remembered all their name and how he had killed them._

_That was supposed to be a sort of path ofrepentance, where all his since were thrown in his face like thousands slaps. Where Stefan was supposed to understand what kind of abomination he chose to be._

_Why weren’t the screams of his victims enough to make him sad ? To push him to go away and try a way to be forgiven for what he had done ?_

_Stefan didn’t want forgiveness anymore._

_All he wanted was someone who loved him but love wasn’t enough to avoid this, maybe Stefan himself wasn’t enough to deserve salvation._

_He promised that he wouldn’t have cried butnow he was feeling so alone, even if he could still hear Damon’s steps behind him._

_But being with Damon was the same of being alone for him. Even Klaus’ company would have been better in a moment like that. The blond represented his biggest mistake, his biggest act go ingenuity and stupidity. Stefan couldn’t acceptthat he had been dumb enough to believe that was worthy of love. That someone could truly love him for who he was, someone who would wake up next to him every morning and think that he didn’t want nothing more than spending another moment with Stefan._

_That day Stefan had learnt another important lesson, love, sometimes, wasn’t strong enough to prevent bad things to happen._

_Love was a so dangerous feeling, that was why everyone despised it. It wasn’t because people considered love weakness, but because they all feared the consequences of falling in love. Love wasn’t for everyone. it was for people who were so strong to put it at te first place, behind everything, it was for people who didn’t fear of being hurt. Stefan wasn’t one of them, he had been hurt and he feared of being hurt again. He had hesitated with Klaus too and he had done his first move only when Klaus had already won the biggest part of the game._

_Klaus had swollen him, his skin, his heart, he put his teeth inside his skin, made Stefan’s blood his. Klaus devoured everything Stefan had to offer like an insignificant piece of cake._

_Unfortunately Stefan wasn’t a sweet dessert, there was a beast inside him that could recognize the difference between gesture of kindness and a caress made of lie. When the beast couldn’t put it up with no more lies it, it decided that it was his turn of swollen Klaus’ soul._

_And so he did._

_The beast attacked and Stefan smiled when he saw it in action._

_The little glint of the Devil inside of heart simply became his gaze._

 

_“How did you kill him ? Why ?” asked Damon behind him “You love him, I know you do. Why didn’t you save him ?”_

 

_“Did you love me when you left me ?” asked Stefan without looking at him._

 

_“I did, what does it metter ?”_

 

_“Because in that case I don’t have to answer to you. You’ve already known everything. So you know that love isn’t always enough to make you stay with people you love. Isn’t enough to push you to do the right thing. Isn’t enough to put aside you resentment and make you forgiven the man you love for his betrayal”_

 

_“Walking thought the the tough and dark streets of Hell won’t save you from pain, Stefan”_

 

_Stefan looked at him, pondering whether he wanted to hit his brother or not, but in the end he he decided for the second options. There was no need for useless violence and words could hurt people better._

 

_“Don’t pretend to care about me. Don’t pretend to ever care for someone in your life. You’re born to remain alive, you had lived alone for almost two centuries and you died alone”_

 

_“I died by your dirty hands” said Damon pointing his fingers toward Stefan._

 

_“And who came for saving you from me?”_

 

_The silent hurt more than a stab in the chest. Stefan and Damon were different, completely. Someone would have said that the only thing that they shared was their DNA. Damon was arrogant, confident, he had success with girls and nevertheless he had the tendency of not being much appreciated by other people, he always kept his promises but not always he finished what he began. he forced himself to close himself from the rest of the world and nevertheless it proved how much insecure and fragile he really was._

_Stefan instead wanted to be appreciated by other and nevertheless he pushed other away because he couldn’t put it up with their company. Apparently he forced himself to place people he didn’t like, people he didn’t respect, and he did it because to that little glint of manipulations inside any of his actions. It wasn’t only about self preservations, it was because he knew he needed friends and alleys to survive, to get what he want. He wore everyday a different masks because he liked confusing people about himself, because he didn’t want them to understand him. It wasn’t like anybody care anyway._

_It was true, Stefan was the bad brother of the two, because he dared take in his hand his solitude and then he threw it on Damon too._

_They were both utterly alone and no one else cared about, not even themselves, there was no point anymore._

 

_“I lived. You killed someone who lived and existed” said Damon._

 

_“What do you mean ?”_

 

_“When people see good, they expect good. I din’t want to live up to anyone’s expectations, that’s why people considered me so imperfect. You, wanted to them to consider you perfect, in the end, you failed.”_

 

_“Why ? Did I fail because of the choices I’ve made ? Because I’m gay ? Because I’m not like you ?”_

 

_“Because perfect people don’tlive and that’s the worst crime of all. Think about it. Perfect people follow an ideal, they want to be like their ideal self, but perfections comes with limitations. Not matter what kind of perfection you’re pursuing, it always comes with limitations and that hurts. If you want to be good, then you can’t do anything bad. If you want to be thin, you can’t eat junk food. If you want to be popular, than you can’t relation yourself with someone with a low reputation…”_

 

_“What’s the point Damon ?” Asked Stefan who was starting to lose his patient “Any man can be perfect, any man can be healthy, rich, handsome and good”_

 

_“I didn’t say they can’t. I say they don’t want to be perfect. No man is willing to live under limitations, no matter how hard they try, in the end passions reclaim their attention.It’s not in the human nature giving up on passions, so no one wants to be perfect. If someone doesn’t want to perfect for himself, then it can’t be perfect for others. If someone forces himself to be perfect… then they don’t live because they’re not real”_

 

_“How wouldall this nonsense have to do with me ?”_

 

_“You know the answer by yourself. You envied me, because I’m the imperfection you want to show to the world”_

 

_Stefan huffed. Imperfection ? Surely he always had the opinion that people loved imperfection more than perfection, why ? Easy, because you loved things that didn’t make you feel threatened. Things where you could find something to comment on, negatively, of course. That was way in his society, or in any society actually, people were ready to notice even the slightest trembling of your hands and lips, just to be sure that you were not perfect._

_Stefan hated the only idea of being commented on. He hated the idea that someone could consider him imperfect or inferior. He wasn’t inferior to anyone, that was the only reason why he forced himself to look perfect to the world._

_Did it cost him pretending to be perfect ? Of course it did._

_Did it hurt ? Surely._

_Did he regret ? Probably._

_Would he do it again ? Without thinking twice._

_He did a lot of efforts to be accepted in his society, in his familyand… not and, but… but once he lost the only purpose he had to make effort he felt… he felt broken._

_He felt broken because being a vampire wasn’t perfection. Because feeding on humans wasn’t perfection. Because he hadn’t given up about his passion for seventeen years only to be reduced in a humanoid monster alienated by everything he fought for. Because…_

_Because he’d been living of limitations and renunciations for all his life and still fate decided to punish him._

_Did the wrath push him at savagery ? Probably, but who could blame him for it._

_World had been ready to punish him at his first mistake, why shouldn’t he be angry for this ?_

_He didn’t allow himself to make one tiny mistake when he used to be human and now that… copy of his brother dared to tell him that the only crime he committed was to reject himself ? Everyone rejected themselves, it was one of the few certainties in the universe and Stefan wasn’t going to listen one more of those nonsense._

 

_“I think you should go. I can proceed on my way. Things will get more entertaining very soon. If you don’t desire to have a bigger past into my destruction than already have, then you should go”_

 

_“You aren’t strong enough to go on on your own. You can’t”_

 

_“You know me better than anyone, Damon. If there’s a way to make me do something is telling me that I can’t. Go away Damon. I’ve already won this game. I’m going toward my destiny, tried to have fun in the meantime, because sooner or later we will meet again and I will ripped your useless soul apart”_

 

_Stefan turned around again. He couldn’t listen Damon’s steps behind him anymore, which meant that his stupid old brother went away. Again._

_It was the first time that Stefan was truly relieved that Damon wasn’t with him in a moment like that. Stefan would have ripped his own soul instead of letting Damon participate in the moment of his own destruction, the moment of his defeat. The moment when Stefan accepted that he had lost everything and that there was nothing else but Hell left for him. When he thought to be alone, he could feel the presence of someone who had just arrived._

_Stefan smiled again. Of course he couldn’t avoid to see him in a moment like that._

 

_“Hello Klaus”_

 

**_Come and take a walk_ **

**_on the wild side_ **

**_Let me kiss you hard_ **

**_in the pouring rain_ **

**_You like your girls insane_ **

**_Choose your last words_ **

**_This is the last time_ **

**_‘Cause you and I_ **

**_We were born to die_ **

 

_Klaus didn’t answer him. The blond just take his hand and the two began to walk side by side, hand in hand._

_Why couldn’t the blond let him go ?_

_Stefan was sure that he didn’t want him there but neither wanted him with the other souls, in the flames. Klaus wasn’t just one of the many Stefan had killed. He was the person who allowed him to reborn. Klaus thought him that love was dangerous but also how to be finally himself._

_No one deserved more than him to take his hand and walk at his side._

_Around them the other souls were screaming, the flames were burning their skin, or at least Stefan’s skin. Klaus was no longer alive and the man who was walking at his side was nothing more than a projection, a soul, a spirit, a ghost. The ghost of his love._

 

_“Have you ever walked hand in hand with someone in silent, and suddenly it started to rain but you didn’t care and kissed the other ?”_

 

_It was a sort of childish movie scene for girls, but Stefan had always wandered how could it be kissing someone under the rain. Well it wasn’t raining there, and he and Klaus weren’t the protagonists of a romantic movie and neither of them wanted to pretend that they weren’t in Hell and that one of them was going to become part of the unholy family forever._

_It would have meant being strong enough to admit to have failed the most important mission of their life. The mission of being enough to be loved by someone._

 

_“I didn’t think you would have been able of killing me. i thought you loved me enough to forgive me. You weren’t scared of committed a crime. You didn’t hesitate”_

 

_“You shouldn’t have cheated on me. From what I see… I consider it a murder but not a crime. I did to you what you deserved. Why are you here now ? I’m tired of receiving visits from my victims.”_

 

_“It’s you who can’t leave your crimes behind !”_

 

_“How can I leave behind something that’s so fucking me ?” Asked Stefan desperately “I’m a Ripper, I’m a murder. I scream inside me all the time but people listen to me only when they look at my victims. I’m screaming, even right now, but no one can listen to me”_

 

_He had been screaming all his life, but no one wanted to listen him. Because good boys didn’t scream, good boys kept their pain for themselves._

_Good boys suffered in silence, selfish people expected the world to suffer with them. What was wrong if he wanted the world to suffer with him ? What was wrong if he wasn’t the one the other wanted him to be ?_

_No one could blame him for haven’t tried. Stefan had been someone else, pronounced words of someone else. Behaved like someone all his life._

_Yet Stefan could almost see, that invisible line that divided his life in two parts, before and after his death. That line also divided his mind, because then… then his anger and loneliness assumed human features._

_Then he was simply insane._

_Everyone had darkness and light inside them, but not everyone had two personality inside them that represented light and darkness. No everyone could see the monster in the mirror._

_Klaus seemed to understand his thought, because he smiled sadly but kindly._

 

_“I’ve always been attracted by the insane honeys, I find them particularly interesting”_

 

_“I found nothing interesting about me. Nothing interesting in someone who needs another personality to escape from his pain. I’ve been hearing voices, his voice, in my head since the day my mother disappeared. I’m not normal and there’s something terribly wrong with me”_

 

_“Maybe you should keep walking to find out what torments you”_

 

_“I don’t want to know”_

 

_“But you want to fight it. How could you fight something you don’t know how to define ?”_

 

_“You don’t understand. I know who I’m fighting for, I don’t know If I can get out alive”_

 

_“No you don’t. You don’t know who you’re fighting for. You’re too scared to see what’s so obvious to everyone else”_

 

_Stefan scoffed. How Klaus dared say something like that ? Of course Stefan knew who was the enemy, it was Cade. It was always been Cade._

_Cade who was courting his soul, desiring to imprison it in his grasp. There was no one else he had to fear. No one else._

_Cade was the Devil to hate._

_People said that Devil was created in imagine and likeness of any people, because any people lived temptation in peculiar way. Stefan considered that theory a bullshit. Everything he knew was that the touch of Devil could be easily mistaken for the one of God, only time made people realized how painful could be being chosen by dark side._

 

_“May I kiss you ?” Asked Klaus_

 

_Stefan wanted to say no, he nodded without realizing. Why denying himself one last taste of peace ? Stefan wanted to drown in the tenderness Klaus was still capable of offering him, not matter how depend he could hurt him._

_Stefan killed him, so Klaus couldn’t be alive, but he was. Stefan was told Klaus cheated on him, but it could be a lie as well. His instinct was screaming that there was something terribly wrong in that place, but he was experiencing so many sensations and emotions he didn’t even imagine to exist, not inside him at least._

_He surely didn’t remember that death could taste so bittersweet._

_Death had Klaus taste and face now, and the ones of the tears along their cheeks. In Hell there was no rain, yet the ground was wet of their love, their lost hopes, their fears. Their kiss was screaming a ‘Goodbye’ they feared to pronounce, because words had that terrible power of making everything real. In the end, Stefan’s tongue couldn’t stop to look for Klaus’, his hands couldn’t refrain from grabbing the other’s face, because he wanted to feel his skin under his fingers._

_Stefan wasn’t kissing Klaus, he was devouring his mouth, letting passion reign, creating fire in other’s mouth. That kiss was destroying Stefan’s heart, because there was nothing more cruel than a confession of adoration before death. There was nothing more cruel that being the reason for someone else to live._

_Stefan should have known that Klaus could make him burn in an ocean of love, he should have know that he could find hell and paradise in that man._

_Klaus bite his lips and Stefan grabbed his hair with strength._

 

_“You destroyed me, I should have known” said Klaus._

 

_“You were my Hell and Heaven. My life and doom. You had me wrapped around your finger, on my knees… it wasn’t enough”_

 

_“I’m the love you never dared to give to no one” whispered Klaus crying._

 

_Then Stefan pushed Klaus away and turned around, not wanting to look at the blond anymore. There was nothing else needed to say._

_The pain in his heart was screaming for him, but again, no one would hear it a part him._

_Goodbye lover, that was what his mind couldn’t stop thinking. Love… he didn’t even think it could be possible for someone like him to love. No one loved his true self, because everyone obligated him to hide behind a role. Stefan gave the people what they wanted like a dirty whore, if they only knew the half of the things he wished to do or think… they would feel shamed to be in his presence. Klaus couldn’t know the truth… in that world in the other… No one could see it…_

_Love was the greatest gift of the world for men, but Stefan couldn’t have it. He would drag Klaus ever deeper in his Hell._

_Could he love Klaus ?_

_Yes, he could._

_Would Cade allow him ?_

_No, he wouldn’t._

_Could he live happy with him ?_

_Yes, he could._

_Would Devil accept it ?_

_No, he wouldn’t._

_Was Stefan selfish enough to fight for his love story ?_

_No he wasn’t. Yes, he was._

_Because Stefan was one of those persons who always needed an escape when he found himself into a situation he didn’t know the outcome._

_Love was like playing at Russian roulette. If luck was on your side, then you lived if your fairytale. If you pulled the trigger and the bullet hit your head… it was your doom._

_He hoped to continue alone, he was tired of speaking or giving explanations to others. They didn’t want to listen, or understand and Stefan was tired. His mind would be an excellent companion._

 

_“Hello dear”_

 

_Stefan jumped, then he closed his eyes._

_‘Fantastic’ he thought. The last person he wanted to spend his time with was now there with him._

_Sybil, the Queen of Hell._

 

 

**_Lost but now I am found_ **

**_I can see but once I was blind_ **

**_I was so confused as a little child_ **

**_Tried to take what I could get_ **

**_Scared that i couldn’t find_ **

**_All the answers honey_ **

 

_She was wearing an elegant purple dress, with a necklace of pearls and dangling earrings. No one wore Hell better than her._

_What caught his attention the most were her lips, red like blood, tempting, inviting._

_Persephone._

_The Goddess of the underworld was there to lead him to his trial. She embraced in her essence everything Stefan feared and loved at the same time._

_Passion. Lust. Sex. Love. Temptation._

_She was the woman any man could desire and yet not dare to love._

_She was the woman any woman wanted to be and yet not dare to emulate._

_Persephone couldn’t have a prettier face. Sybil had the eyes that could lead anyone, even the purest child to Hell._

 

_“Good evening Sybil” he greeted her “What are you doing here ?”_

 

_Always be the perfect gentleman, not matter if the woman is an harpy. Stefan felt not few pride for himself for not falling for Sybil’s charm, yet he knew that he didn’t stand a chance against her._

 

_“It seems fair. I set you on this path, when I tried to sell Damon’s soul. I must accompany you until the end” explained Sybil, like a mother who’s trying to explain something difficultto her child._

 

_“So… are you recognizing to be partially guilty for this ?” Asked Stefan._

 

_“Guilty… innocent… these words don’t mean anything. Not after all this time. I didn’t chose you Stefan, you are skillful in what you do. You have talent, really. I can’t believe you wanted to become a doctor and save lives when you’re so amazing at killing and taking them…”_

 

_“It’s not so difficult killing”_

 

_“It’s difficult doing it like you do” said Sybil._

 

_“I used to kill because I couldn’t control my bloodlust, now I kill because I must. It didn’t change anything”_

 

_“Indeed, do you know why ? It’s because killing is the only way you used to express yourself, your emotions, your anger.”_

 

_“What are you bubbling ab…”_

 

_“You felt yourself ripped apart” clarified Sybil “You’ve been feeling like this all your life. Like any person you met tried to rip a part of yourself. Your father, your mother, your brother…”_

 

_“Shut up, this isn’t true !!”_

 

_“It’s true. See it”_

 

_Without be able to react, Stefan felt Sybil’s hand on his forehead then she used her powers on him._

_He could see… The young child he used to be… gentle, kind but so terrible alone. The poor creature who wanted nothing more than being hugged, but a child of his status didn’t ask for hugs, not to his father, neither his mother. It wasn’t appropriate. A child who learnt too soon that any action could hurt him as the words his father reserved to him when he did something wrong, when he didn’t resemble the perfection expected by him._

_A chic who learnt too soon that love wasn’t enough to keep people near to him._

_A child who learnt too much that if he wanted to survive in his life, he had to learn to be anyone but him, because himself was the only personality that wasn’t accepted._

_Because society wanted a mask, a role, Stefan gave it._

_Any secrets, any lies, ripped his soul apart._

_The child became a man, then he lived the first sexual urges, but not toward women, as his role requested. Stefan remembered when he found out. He didn’t member the name or face, but he did remember about this handsome man, who often visited their home. Stefan remembered his was a doctor, he remembered it because initially he wanted to become a doctor only to work with that guy that made his legs trembling, his cheeks blushing and his heart bleeding and beating so fast._

_Stefan wanted belong to him, but society told it was wrong having feeling or sexual desire for someone of the same gender, so Stefan closed his feelings inside his heart and pretended they didn’t exist. What a terrible sin would have been leaving passion reign. He couldn’t have what he wanted, so he simply got what he could take. Short moments of intimacy with that guy, that ripped his heart apart._

 

_“Someone who lives all his life lying to the world… isn’t able to see the truth even in the little gestures…” said Sybil “… You don’t know how to live, this rips you apart. When you rip someone’s body, that is what you want to communicate, that you feel ripped apart. That was what you’re punishing the world for, it took you away yourself”_

 

_Stefan grabbed her wrist and took her hand off his forehead. He was blaming the world for nothing._

_World, life, fate… was unfair with everyone, not him. Stefan couldn’t hold grudges only because he felt so alienated from the rest of the world. He wasn’t angry if destiny put Katerina Petrova on his path. He wasn’t angry if his mind was split up into parts, reducing himself into a complete mess._

_Persephone grabbed his throat and clutched._

 

_“Don’t suffocate your resentment. Stop pretending to be okay. Your pain won’t make you look more imperfect than you really are, it’s because you keep everything inside, that everyone blew up in your life. Ripper wouldn’t have been born if you were better at being yourself. But you couldn’t, could you ?” Asked Sybil laughing._

 

_“Stop… it…” said Stefan trying to push her away._

 

_“You have to be the perfect obedient boy, then the vegetarian vampire… Your determination in being perfect is admiring. What do you want Stefan ?”_

 

_Stefan could hardly breath, not that he needed, but his throat really hurt. He was trying so hard to fight, to get himself free, but the Queen of Hell had no intention of letting him go._

_Since when was she so strong ?_

_Why was she with him now ?_

_She was the last person he wanted to see right now._

 

_“Do you want me to let you go, Steffy ? Then fight. I’m the society that’s suffocating you. I’m the chains that kept you imprisoned. I’m the lock that didn’t let you open the door for your dreams…”_

 

_“Leave… me…”_

 

_“If you don’t believe me, little child, if you wants to pretend that you’re perfectly fine by taking what life gives to you and now what you want… then…”_

 

_Sybil left his throat, smiling. The Queen of Hell seemed to be satisfied for something, but there was something strange in her. Something that scared him._

_That grin… it wan’t made for her lips, God gave it to someone else. Someone that could scared Stefan like anyone else could._

 

_“Little blind child…” said Sybil “… There’s an hole inside of you, an hole you managed to fulfill only with loneliness. World pushed you away and so now you push away the world. Admit that, deep down, inside your heart, there’s still that angry child who wants nothing but be loved for who he really was”_

 

_Stefan clicked his tongue against his teeth. Words hurt more than actions. Reactions revealed more than actions. Silence… silence screamed everything._

_It was screaming that Stefan wasn’t strong enough… So lost in his lies to be found only in Hell… He never died… because he never lived… that was why he was so good at surviving._

_Even after his death he only played parts. It wasn’t only his gentle heart what kept making him good actions, all of them were needed to build his ego, to build his mask and made it strong, above all he needed to them because he wanted to be forgiven._

_It was in that moment, looking in Sybil’s eyes, that he understood why he would never forgive her… becauseshe pushed him into a path of perdition, where the only rule was to be himself, where passions were free to be tasted._

_Sybil pushed him in the arm of the man who wanted his face naked of any mask._

_God wasn’t the only one who loved the true faces of his creatures. God loved their faces because He had the incredible gift of loving anyone._

_Devil loved their faces because in them he saw all the crepes of corruption._

_In Stefan’s… Case saw the death._

 

_“I have to keep going… Sybil…”_

 

_“Of course you have… good luck my dear… I’m the desire you keep inside your heart”_

 

_Stefan nodded, then he turned away and keep walking along the path._

_He hoped not to meet anyone else that time. Any meeting hurt his soul, because any of them was making him see the truth of his life. The facade he’d been building. The life he turned into a drama._

_He simply needed to arrive at the end of the path and then… then he would fulfill his destiny._

_No more prayers, no more pain, no more sins… no more masks._

_He was willing to dance a last waltzer with Lady Death and letting himself falling in her arms, leaving everything behind._

_Let the silence have Cade face._

_Let the death have Lexi kindness._

_Let the the piece be red like Eri’s hair._

_What he knew hurt him, so he could only hope in what was still unknown to him._

 

_“Otōsan…”_

 

_The voice of innocence followed his in Hell, its face belonged to the dearest person inside his heart._

_Stefan turned around, but he didn’t see the beautiful girl of before. He saw his little fox, in her thirteen years, dressed up in white, completely in white. Her long curly ginger head looked more like line of blood on her clothes and it made her looked quite scaring._

_She was looking at him with curiosity and worry. There was nothing of the adoration she usually reserved to him._

 

 

**_Don’t make me sad_ **

**_Don’t make me cry_ **

**_Sometimes love is not enough_ **

**_and the road gets tough_ **

**_I don’t know why_ **

**_Keep making me laugh_ **

**_let’s go get high_ **

**_The road is long, we carry on_ **

**_Try to have fun in the meantime_ **

 

_“What are you doing here ?” Asked Stefan._

 

_“You should meet someone who recognize you all your merits. Aunt Lexi, Damon, Klaus, Sybil… all of them had something to reprove you… I don’t.”_

 

_Eri took his hand, then they started to walk together along the path. Side by side. Hand in hand. Together. As they always did. Love wasn’t enough, but Stefan didn’t simply love Eri, as he loved Klaus. He… lived for her. She was the light of his soul and life._

 

_“The people you met before… do you know why met them ?” Asked Eri._

 

_“Not exactly”_

 

_“Because you love all of them, in differently way. You love Lexi who remembers your ideals; you love Damon who remembers your perfection; you love Klaus who remembers you the love; you love Sybil who remembers you your passions. No one of them was enough to convince you to come back, now it’s too late”_

 

_“Why are you here then ?” Asked Stefan._

 

_“Because I remembers you agape, unconditional love, because I’m the only one who loves you.. and the other”_

 

_“The other ?”_

 

_Eri looked at him with sad eyes “I see him, otōsan, in you, in your desperation. I see what he makes you feel…”_

 

_“Who ?”_

 

_Was so clear the pain Cade inflict to him ?_

_Was so obvious how Stefan suffer in the hands of that fiend ?_

_The fiend who imposed him silence, obedience, loneliness, malady and who tried to take the leash of his existence._

_Stefan didn’t want to be sad or cry in front of her daughter, but he considered her words a defeat._

_He was always so good at hiding pain behind a smile, why did he fail just now with his daughter ?_

_Depression, it had to be depression. When he was depressed had the sorry tendency of saying things he wasn’t supposed to say. Maybe he told something too much._

_Did he fail at being a father ?_

_Did he fail at taking care of her ?_

 

_“You will see. For the moment remember I will always love you not matter who you used to be, are or will. Come what may”_

 

_“Why ? Am I not a good man ? Have I disappointed you ?”_

 

_“Stop caring about what other think. If you do wrong and the others talk, let them talk. You will never be what the other want you to be. You can’t be perfect for everyone. Don’t let other rip you apart.”_

 

_“I can be perfect for you”_

 

_“Don’t make me laugh, otōsan” said Eri with cruelty “I can’t love any role you play, just yourself. All the rigidity imposed to yourself created a never ending suffocating torment that now has the face and the voice of your worst enemy”_

 

_“Is he waiting for me at the end of the path ?” Asked Stefan._

 

_“He’s been with you since your born. At the beginning he was only a voice in your head, then you gave him a shape. Then a face.”_

 

_“Evil assumed the face of Cade, I know. I accepted to be part of his charade, he should be satisfied now. He should be happy now. Probably he’s laughing. My tears always entertain him somehow”_

 

_“Maybe we should laugh too. We should talk about that time you scared those little girls who were bullying me”_

 

_“I’ve never seen little girls running faster before that episode.” Grinned Stefan._

 

_It was said that pain and fear were the only methods he had to defend the people he loved. Maybe he should ask to continue alone, but he was scared of be left alone with his thoughts._

_He was also afraid to meet Cade at the end of the path. He thought he would die, he thought he would burn in Hellfire, he didn’t want to meet the face he gave to Evil a long time ago._

_He wasn’t even sure if he was living in a dream or not. If it was all real or not. Around him, hellfire prevented him from see anything but the red of the flames._

 

_“It’s strange when world doesn’t fight against you, isn’t it, otōsan ?”_

 

_“What ?”_

 

_“You’re waling toward the perdition or the redemption and for once no one’s trying to stop you. You tricked, lied, killed and no one stopped you. Yet, when the most sinful thing you wanted to do was loving another man, you felt like the entire universe wanted to stop you. Ironic isn’t it ?”_

 

_Stefan didn’t know how to replay, so he remained in silent._

 

_“Crossword puzzled, you loved them, resolving puzzle, or creating them. You love putting pieces where they belong, where they fit, because you never felt to fit in, not matter where you go”_

 

_Stefan knew she was right. One reason why he loved jigsaw puzzled, crossword puzzle, was because he envied the pieces, because they had a place to fit in, they could find other pieces to be completed. Stefan had to lie and hide to fit in places, home was always an abstract term and after the deal his social interactions were almost not existent._

_He’d never been the social type, always preferred losing himself into a good book, but one thing was being reserved, another alienated._

 

_“I learnt something about rippers. They are extremely feral, predatory vampires and far more save than the other vampires. Unlike the average vampires, rippers enjoy hunting and terrorizing humans, destroying their body and turned them into living jigsaw puzzle…”_

 

_“Eri, I don’t want to talk…”_

 

_“We must. Ripper is difficult topic for you, I got this. But if you can’t talk with me about him, then with whom ?”_

 

_“Your aunt…”_

 

 

_“My aunt Lexi wants you to eliminate the Ripper. What if it’s impossible ? What if, at some point, you have to find an alternative solution ?”_

 

_“There’s not alternative…”_

 

_“I also learnt that despite their nature some rippers are also capable of human emotions, compassion, love, protection. They are not all evil killers, some of them are simply tragically consumed by their bloodlust to the point their morality is irrelevant.”_

 

_“If you’re referring to the ones inside me, then I can assure you, he can’t…”_

 

_“He loves me. You didn’t save me when I got kidnapped, he did. I saw in his eyes the same love I see when you look at me that night in Monterey”_

 

_“You’re wrong. This conversation is irrelevant”_

 

_What was Eri trying to do ? To persuade him to accept the Ripper inside him ? Never.Only a fool would do it._

_Why were they talking about the Ripper anyway ?_

_That… thing had nothing to do with the current situation, surely the Ripper wouldn’t help Stefan to defeat Cade._

_The Ripper would be happy to accompany his counterpart to his grave._

_Rippers capable of feeling ? It was true. Not all the vampires needed to turn their humanity off to become mass murderers, but it wasn’t his case. When he became the ripper he felt like devil himself took possession of his body and it wasn’t a good experience to live, at all. Lexi had always been right when she told him to suffocate his Ripper side so deep in his subconscious where not even the most powerful of psychic could recover him. Ripper needed to disappear._

_He was the imperfection of imperfections._

_The worm that ruined and feed on his happiness._

_The parasite who was consuming his life and stole from him moments of life, months, days, years._

 

_“I think you should continue alone. Remember, putting up with pain is easier than finding a solution for it. Your path is almost over but is though. Remember that I love you, always done, always will, but keep in mind what I told you”_

 

_“Ripper isn’t…”_

 

_“You don’t have to perfect to be loved. Who loves you forgives your mistakes and accepts your faults, who doesn’t isn’t worthy of your time. I’m your agape, otōsan. The light you should give to someone else… good luck”_

 

 

**_Come and take a walk_ **

**_on the wild side_ **

**_Let me kiss you hard_ **

**_in the pouring rain_ **

**_You like your girls insane_ **

**_Choose your last words_ **

**_This is the last time_ **

**_‘Cause you and I_ **

**_We were born to die_ **

 

_Eri let go his hand. Stefan hugged her, afraid of leaving her alone in that place, even though he knew she was braver than him. Probably even more capable of taking care of himself._

_He felt like a sentenced to death, maybe Marie Antoinette felt that way during her walk toward the guillotine. Her headless waltz with death was something Stefan considered so barbaric and romantic at the same time._

_Waltz with death were always romantic in his mind, because it was the epilogue of your drama, the salvation from a play you didn’t want to have a role inside anymore._

_Death would be dressed up in red, pity that Stefan felt that he would find the black of Cade at the end of path._

_Probably Cade would mock, torment and make fun on his choice, on his surrender. Finally, the Prodigal Son accepted to be part of the family._

_No Klaus, no Damon, no Lexi there to save him._

_Eri would follow him anywhere and Sybil would win her bet with destiny._

_Cade loved gently people flavored with the fragrance of madness. Madness people were the one who easily enjoyed a good drama made of blood, tears and murderer and made it also funnier._

_Madness people didn’t even needed to be blackmailed to be ordered around._

_’Stay quiet Stefan’._

_The silence had Cade’s voice._

_‘My faults are yours’_

_Stefan carried the burden of his sins as well._

_‘I didn’t tell you to do it’._

_Stefan had to respond for his mistakes._

_It was always like that. Voices in his head that manipulated his actions._

_Voices… so many many voices… Stefan always though to be crazy because of them._

_So lost in his thoughts, he didn’t see the red door appeared in front of him until he practically crashed into it._

 

_“So eager to arrive at the end of the nightmare ?” Asked a voice behind him._

 

_Stefan massaged his nose and closed his eyes. That visitor was unwanted and surely Stefan was tempted to crash the other’s face against the door._

 

_“I should have known… After all, Devil has the key to open the door of any temptations… and nightmares.”_

 

_To prove his theory, Stefan tried to open the door, but it was locked. He needed a key and Cade was the only one who could give it to him._

 

_“It’s nice from you taking the disturb to follow me here only to give me the key… or did you doubt I would arrive until here ?”_

 

_“Actually I didn’t have any expectations. You’re so unpredictable that I simply let you surprise me.”_

 

_“I thought I would find you behind this door”_

 

_“Because I’m the greatest enemy of your consciousness, it’s what you want to believe isn’t it ?”_

 

_“I’m done playing your mind game” said Stefan “Give me the key and come back in the Hell where you belong”_

 

_Cade laughed, a sound full of contempt, irony and malice. Stefan hated hearing his laugh. It irritated him._

_Stefan though that the visits from his ‘acquaintances’ were over, but apparently Cade chose to torment until the end. Why didn’t Cade was behind the door ?_

_Wasn’t Cade his greatest nightmare and enemy ? Then who was waiting Stefan ?_

_Henry ? He wasn’t the only one who didn’t appear._

_Stefan tried to figure all the reasons why Henry should be his greatest enemy when Cade spoke again._

 

_“Don’t rack your brain over something you can’t understand. You lack informations.”_

 

_“Of course I do, you enjoy leaving me in ignorance. Had known we would have this conversation, I would have tried to steal your deck of keys before”_

 

_“You hadn’t, your fault. Now, before you enter, I think I own you a little help”_

 

_“You don’t give anything without asking something in return. There’s a price for everything and I don’t have anything else to pay with”_

 

_What else could Cade want from him ? He already had everything, his soul, his life, his destiny. Stefan belonged to Cade completely. Stefan didn’t have will on his own, he lived to grant Cade’s wishes. He breathed to satisfy Cade’s desire. He killed to make Cade’s ideals a reality._

 

_“It’s always Devil’s fault, isn’t it ?” Asked Cade._

 

_Stefan rolled his eyes again._

 

_“It’s because of me if you must to kill, lie and live in the darkness ?”_

 

_“Let me guess, you’re going to say that in reality it’s my fault. I had a choice, not to make the deal and let Damon rot in Hell. I didn’t make that choice because I had to be the good guy. Maybe it wasn’t only for this. I need to live by some expectations, because without them I don’t know how ti live at all”_

 

_“Maybe because you’re finally getting that killing yourself to be accept isn’t worthy.Everyone is made of light and darkness, some are more capable to control their inner monster, others let themselves drown into the darkness… others… try to kill that side of themselves and doing so they kill even their good side.”_

 

_“Don’t talk like that. You can’t be good and evil, you have to choice”_

 

_“Exactly, you have to choice, not build a mask for any occasion. I wasn’t the one who put the most infamous mask on your face, you did. After all those years of delusions, when you realized that there was something rotten inside of you, it traumatized you so much that you split your personality, moving and uniting all the bad things into one figure, the Ripper, and all the good things in one yourself. You can’t keep considering the world in black and white, and you surely can’t keep loving and hating yourself at equal measure”_

 

_“Why not ?”_

 

_“Because you’re body doesn’t belong to you alone anymore. It’s his body and his mind as well. He won’t go away.”_

 

_“You know nothing…”_

 

_Stefan didn’t even realized he was crying. Why was Cade insisting on speaking with him about the Ripper ? How HE was the one Stefan was going to find behind that red door._

_Stefan didn’t want to believe, he refused to accept that he was going to find the Ripper._

_How could the Ripper be his greatest enemy and fear ?_

_It wasn’t fair. The Ripper was only a misfortune born of his insanity, nothing more. Keeping his bloodlust at bay had permitted Stefan to keep Ripper under his control since that moment, there was no need to change anything._

_The Ripper needed to disappear, as soon as possible, he would try any way, any methods. No accretion, no middle ground and that was final._

_That was his body, his mind, his life and there was no space of a second personality._

_It didn’t matter if in the loneliest days there was only the Ripper’s voice to keep him company, it didn’t matter that Ripper lent him his strength when Stefan needed it more than anything else. That was everything… Because Evil needed to be erased from the face of the Earth. Evil was a plague that needed to be extinguished with fire and flames. It was what prevented him from being perfect, what prevented the world to be perfect…_

 

_“That thoughts… they didn’t belong to me… They were… It’s what…”_

 

_Stefan turned toward Cade, who was smirking at him, like he already knew what kind of thoughts was passing through the Hunter’s mind._

 

_“No one can exist in half… talk with him, know him, control him… with only one part of your heart Devil’s going to eat you alive. Being yourself alone, you will see only one part of everything,”_

 

_Stefan was going to order him to shut up and disappear, but then Cade evaporated at then the key for the door fell in the ground. Stefan looked at it, with fear, like he feared it could explode and hurt him at any moment._

_He looked at the key and the door, the path he was so eager to leave never looked so tempting. Should he run away ? Should he find another way out of that ?_

_He looked at the door, as he hoped to find something on it that could give him so advice._

_He looked at key, then he thought about everything he learnt about himself._

_His constant fear of living by expectations of the dearest people close to him, his fear of betrayal._

_Everyone in his life betrayed him. His mother, when he found out that she became a vampire and, instead of coming back and taking him away, she simply created another family, forgetting about him._

_His father, who betrayed his secrets and pushed he and Damon against each other, over and over again._

_Damon betrayed him over and over again through the centuries, reaching the apex when he simply disappeared from his life without any hesitation._

_Katherine betrayed him when she raped him using compulsion and when turned him into a vampire without his permission._

_All of them and even more people betrayed him, they created in him the constant fear of getting close to people and risking to be lied and manipulated by them._

_So, he learnt that and… he hated being alone._

_He hated his empty, silent, lonely existence. He didn’t want to be alone anymore... but how could he…_

_He looked at the key on the ground and took it. He dried his tears then he used the key to unlock the door. He didn’t want to wait in front that door anymore, he was risking to lose his mind to his thoughts._

_His path was over, it was time to stop running and face the consequences of his fears. If the Ripper war behind the door, then Stefan would make him stay there, where no one but the shadows of his subconscious knew of his existence._

_The Ripper was his greatest secret, the side of him Stefan hated and despised. The most infamous of all the masks he wore, the most dreadful of the roles he played._

_He opened the door and entered._

_He found himself into large hexagonal room, which walls were made entirely of mirrors, even the floor, while the ceiling was as dark as night. No one was there._

 

**It's over now**

**I know inside**

**No one must ever know**

**The sorry tale of Edward Hyde**

**And those who died.**

**No one must ever know.**

**They'd only see the tragedy**

**They'd not see my intent**

**The shadow of Hyde's evil**

**Would forever kill the good**

**That I had meant.**

**Am I a good man?**

**Am I a mad man?**

**It's such a fine line**

**Between a good man**

**And a-**

 

_Giuseppe Salvatore._

 

_Fratricide. His father had been his key for life… and immortality. Blood had still his taste._

 

_John Beach… Randy Smith… Danah Leach… Terrilyn Henson…_

 

_Torn lives, ripped bodies, now nothing more than names on the list of the red right man of Devil._

 

_Catherine Marid... Matthew Wagner… Michael Reddinton… Christian David… Dianne Wagner…_

 

_The guilty had their faces, the silent their voices, the fear the shape of their one and only sin, being human and so weak at the temptation. As he was. Not all of them were sinners, some of them were ripped apart because Stefan couldn’t control his bloodlust. That damn list inside the apartment had to remain a secret, why did he write it ? Why did he force himself to remember ?_

_Why ? Did Ripper wanted him to remember his shame ?_

_Ripper wrote those names on that list because he wanted Stefan to know, to remember, to suffer, and Stefan shouldn’t find a way to erase that uncomfortable second personality ? Cade told him to accept the Ripper… what a cruel joke, it would never happen. Stefan swore that the first thing he would do after the end of that nightmare was driving straight to Chicago and burn his old apartment._

 

_Ashley Holliday… Amy Chance… Stacy Dalmolin… Michaelanne McCarthy… Nathan Anderson…_

 

_Ripped apart, of all them. All innocents or people that he shouldn’t have killed… All people who had families, dreams, ambitions, a long life ahead of them…_

 

_“I’m sorry…” he whispered crying._

 

_He needed to repay for all the lived he took, his good actions had to repay all the damages he did. He knew that everyone would only see the evil inside him, remember his cruel actions and the worst of him if they found out the truth. That was why… Ripper needed to be a…_

 

_“Megan Murray… Mark Kramer… Andy Strauss… Jeremiah Drueke… Matthew D’Abrosio… Mike Robertsons… you will never be a good man for them”_

 

_Who was talking ? Stefan looked around, any mirror, even the floor, but he saw nothing. Probably he was truly losing his mind. Was he a good man ? No, he wasn’t. He tried, constantly, he tried. It may was not enough, but at least he tried. He didn’t always play roles, he did good things because he wanted too, because he liked making people happy. Eri’s happiness was everything that mattered for him._

_He couldn’t be completely bad. There had to be something good, something worthy in his life._

_‘I sacrificed myself to make other people happy’, he thought grabbing his head and falling on his knees on the ground, crying. There were people who considered him a good man, a man who, despite all his masks and riddles, loved with his heart._

 

_“You’re pathetic…”_

 

**_Do you really think_ **

**_that I would ever let you go?_ **

**_Do you think_ **

**_I'd ever set you free?_ **

**_If you do_ **

**_I'm sad to say_ **

**_It simply isn't so_ **

**_You will never get away from me_ **

 

_Stefan turned around and then he gasped. On the opposite mirror, he could se reflected in it someone who was standing up at the center of the room, with his wrists locked with two long chains that disappeared on the floor. He was wearing different clothes from Stefan, he was wearing his hunter suit. Leather black jeans, leather jacket with hood and gloves._

_The center of the room was… empty._

_Stefan knew who was the man in the mirror. The nightmare of his nightmare, the trace that there was something terribly wrong with him._

 

_“Of course, it’s couldn’t be spared a visit from my sick subconscious” muttered Stefan, keeping distance from the mirror “What are you doing here?”_

 

_“You asked the wrong question. What do you want ? It’s the right one” said the Ripper emphasizing his words moving his wrists and the chains with them “I want to exist.”_

 

_“Sorry, I want you to disappear. It’s not negotiable” said Stefan avoiding to look at the other half of the mirror._

 

_“I’m not asking your permission. You created me, you used mystrength, my ferocity, my…”_

 

_“My, my, my. You’ve nothing, you’re nothing. You exist only in my mind but basically there’s nothing here that belongs to you alone”_

 

_“Why are you keeping so distant ?” Asked the Ripper._

 

_Stefan scoffed then, feeling challenged and insulted, came closer to the opposite mirror. He even put an hand of the mirror, probably because he knew Ripper couldn’t come closer due to the chains._

_Stefan took sometimes to look at him, really look at him, for the first time in his life._

_How could two people have the same face and wear it so differently ? How could two people have the same lips and smile so differently ?_

_Well, Stefan rarely smiled, the Ripper smirked._

_Even their posture was so different. Stefan walked slightly sagging, almost as he feared other people to look him in the face or his eyes, or as he feared to insult others with his presence._

_The Ripper instead had a perfect dominant posture, straight back, high shoulders, fierce and proud expression, as if he was ready to attack anyone who tried to make him feel uncomfortable._

_Stefan envied that confidence, but Ripper didn’t need to know it._

 

_“I didn’t think to find you here. I didn’t think you would be my greatest enemy. Do you have any idea how this hurts me ?”_

 

_“You shouldn’t be surprised, actually. Devil is a an abstract concept, there’s one for everyone, who looks exactly like the temptations anyone wanted to be tempted by. That’s another reason why you can’t give up on me”_

 

_“How could I not give up on the main source of all problems ?”_

 

_Ripper licked his lips then bursted in laugh. Stefan bite his lips so hard that they bleed. He was done with other’s games, he needed to find a way out of that situation, as soon as possible. While he was thinking about a possible solution, he heard the sound of chains behind him and the presence of someone else in the room. He turned around and saw the Ripper at the center of the room._

 

_“How did you…”_

 

_“Not me, you. I’ve always been here, next to you. It’s you who refuse to see the truth. I’ve always been in your mind, I was all those voices who told you to be good, to have faith. It was easier when you didn’t see me as a threat”_

 

_“No, it’s not truth. You started to plague my existence after my death, not before”_

 

_“That’s not true either.” Said the Ripper blinked “Do you remember when you proclaimed to want to become a doctor, during that lunch attended by your father’s friends… and your father bubbled about how you would take his place in the family activity… do you remember how disappointed he looked ? Do you remember how he mocked your dreams ?”_

 

_Stefan clenched his fists. Of course he remembered that day, he was fifteen, that cute doctor guy cured him from his fever two days before and he knew he would attend the lunch that day. Stefan didn’t realize he was gay that day, but he knew he wanted to become a doctor to save people’ lives. He remembered the gratitude he felt toward that doctor guy and he wanted other people to feel the same gratitude toward him. He wanted to have a greater purpose for his life and he felt no shame for it. Of course, his father couldn’t avoid to voice his opinion._

_Giuseppe Salvatore humiliated him in front of the other men and the doctor guy, raising his voice and ultimately ordering Stefan to keep his feet on the ground because he would work in the family activity._

 

_“Do you remember…” said the Ripper “… What did you think in that moment ?”_

 

_Stefan knew the answer but he didn’t want to answer._

 

_“Whose voice was in your head ? What kind of thoughts ?”_

 

_“That I hate him”_

 

_“What else ?” Asked the Ripper pressing him._

 

_“That I want him dead” admitted Stefan with anger._

 

_“No… What did you want ?” Asked the Ripper._

 

_“I wanted… I wanted to make him pay… I wanted him to feel humiliated and powerless…”_

 

_“You wanted to kill him yourself” said the Ripper._

 

_“I wanted him to die”_

 

_“You imagined to do it in your mind… then you did it for real”_

 

_“Are you here to torment me ?”_

 

_“I’m simply remember the old good times when we were one and only”_

 

_One and only ? When the line between good and bad wasn’t clear, but a mere shade. When the line between his voice or Ripper’s voice was nothing but a whisper. When the line between him and the Ripper was only a shadow._

_Stefan wished he could locked the Ripper inside a cage and leave him there with all his bad intentions._

_Stefan wanted to take away all his bad thoughts and closed them somewhere with the Ripper, away from him._

 

_“When there was no killer in the mirror… when we’re were one… When you still accepted me to be part of you…”_

 

_“If you say so, then I’m glad to have realized that there was something terribly wrong with me”_

 

_“We killed our father. We were one thing, you and I. Then your morals and all those lies you keep telling yourself split your mind in two, but you won’t be able to erase me. I will be you forever, you forever me”_

 

_Stefan lost it. He punched the Ripper right in the solar plexus, then on his left cheekbone and in the end he kicked the right leg. Why did Ripper manage to push him at the savagery ?_

_It was a second that he realized that one of the chains cracked, as it was on the verge of breaking._

_The Ripper laughed._

 

_“Call me by my name, friend. Oh, yes, we have the same name you and I”_

 

_“Shut up”_

 

_“The same face… you and I”_

 

_“I said shut up”_

 

_“TWO PARTS OF THE SAME CONSCIOUS YOU AND I!!”_

 

_“SHUT UP !!”_

 

_“LOOK AT ME !!”_

 

 

**All that you are is a face in the mirror**

**I close my eyes and you disappear!**

 

**_I'm what you face when you face in the mirror_ **

**_Long as you live I will still be here!_ **

 

**All that you are is the end of a nightmare**

**All that you are is a dying scream**

**After tonight I will end this demon dream!**

 

_Stefan regretted to have looked in the other’s eyes. All he saw was Hell, his private hell._

_He saw in those eyes everything Stefan refused to see in himself._

_The desire. The lust. The bloodlust. The strong need of conflict. All the people he wished to kill and the most terrible way. All the bad things he wished to do just for fun._

_There was the reign of sins and the pure essence of temptation. Green as their eyes._

 

_“Do you like what you see ? Of course you do. You saw what I like, you saw what you like. Do you want to know what I see when I look in your eyes ? Wrath… sadness… you depressed us both”_

 

_“You know nothing about my depression”_

 

_“Funny, when you’re depressed you see me more often in the mirror, almost like you look for me everywhere you put your eyes on.”_

 

_“You don’t understand my depression”_

 

_“Really ? Yes, I don’t understand the pain you feel at putting up different plays everyday, in the end always the same. Hoe could I understand that particular state of mind when everything is insignificant, meaningless. So insignificant that you chose to ignore all of them. You ignore the absence of your mother. You ignore the severity of your father. Ignore the indifference of your brother, the distance he keeps maintaining from you… all of things that hurt but you can’t say it to anyone and surely you can’t find a solution so you justify everything that it’s will one be for one day…”_

 

_“Shut up…”_

 

_“… Days are indistinguishable, all of them turned out to be bad day until you simply think they’re normal day. A routine that hurt you so much until pain becomes part of yourself, as your lungs, or heart, or stomach and you simply think it’s normal to feel. So normal you think you should stop to fight it and accept it. You accept the pain that comes from your mother’s abandon, your father’s cruel words, your brother’s attitude that make your father angrier and the atmosphere in house heavier…”_

 

_“Shut up…”_

 

_“… But it’s so normal that you simply need to remember it not to get angry anymore or feel disappointed. Otherwise you wouldn’t not how to behave because happiness is such an abstract concept you barely remember how to pronounce its letters. Suddenly mind is not an alley of yours, you need activities, study, books, job to keep yourself away from your thoughts. Everything that prevents your from falling inside an infinite ocean of bad feeling that would stop you forever…”_

 

_“Shut… up”_

 

_“Because if you stop then everyone else would notice you need help and you would simply disturb them. You can’t disturb your absent mother, but good boys don’t make their father and brother worries, real men always know how to solve a problem by themselves. If you say your father about your depression, he would think you’re weak, your brother a burden. Good boys don’t behave like that. They keep inside their pain and let it devour them from inside…”_

 

_“Sh…”_

 

_“… You’re so stuck in this struggle between your state of minds that you begin to alienate yourself even without realizing it, because you fear that other people could notice something’s wrong with you, because you can’t put it up with the fatigue of putting play with other people who would abandon you, disappoint you or betray you anyway. People aren’t what you invest your energy on, because people are so scaring unpredictable that you fear they could put you out of guard at any moment… You’re so broken already that…”_

 

_“Enough…”_

 

_“…It’s enough one wrong word to brake the porcelain doll you are. You end up hating that need to survive, because a part of you still refuse to accept that your father can decide for your life, that your brother you can have everything you want, friends, freedom, being himself, when you are so willing to pay any cost your position imposed to you and nevertheless you’re the one who suffer. You feel like you could never be happy again…”_

 

 **“** _… Immortality is painful because it’s prolonging this state of mind of yours. Tell me the truth, did you know, when you accept to save Katherine, that your father would shot you ? Or did you hope ?”_

 

_Stefan, who was crying desperately, tried to cover his sobs with a mouth._

 

_“…You hoped, you wanted your father to shot you. You knew it hurt him to kill you, the golden Salvatore, you knew it and you were happy. You would get away from your torpor. Curiously, you found happiness in your death… but then you became a vampire and again days became indistinguishable, that time was worst because you finally realized you were playing a part and that you would play a part for the rest of your existence…”_

 

_“Big problems, little problems… they are all the same. Because everything hurts, even the simplest tasks, even the comb, the string of your shoes. Plus, there’s your body who has changed and you don’t know how to cope with it when you have such a troubled mind. When you’re a vampire everything is more accentuated, depression too. You don’t need to turn our emotions off, because you don’t feel nothing any day. It simply vanishes the desire for it. When you’re immortal you live for the basic needs, food, sleep…” continued Stefan surrounding._

 

_As soon as Stefan participated to the conversation, imagines appeared on the mirrors, imagines of a broken family, imagines of a lonely child. Imagines of a lost child, a ripper spirit._

_Imagines of faces, moments, words and emotions Stefan didn’t even knew he still remembered._

_Memories of tears shred in empty rooms._

_Memories of dreams never come true._

_Memories of a child, a boy and young man._

_Memories of a freak, a murder, a monster._

_Memories of a person who the only thing he’d never learnt was to live._

 

 

_“… But your food is blood, you fear to sleep and dream what you’ve become, sex… depression doesn’t make you feel attractive and even the idea of taking with another being is terrifying…”_

 

_“…It’s not a matter of turning off your humanity, because you’re used to it. You’re no used to feel and when you feel it’s terrible. Because there were moments when you feel such a terrible wrath toward a world so cruel that makes you lose your mind…”_

 

_“… You can’t avoid to think that you’ve felt so alone all your life that the one time you begged someone to live for you, your brother, it’s the one time you lost him forever. He promised to make your life a living Hell, ignoring why you needed him so much instead. Damon simply lived for himself and there’s no place for you in his life so…”_

 

_“… So I keep the pain inside me, until it devours me. Depression briefly left its place to wrath, the ripper soul started to rip other people because he doesn’t know how else to say how he felt to the world. He doesn’t know any other attempt to communicate with a world so strange… He lives without purpose and begs God to give him something to live for…”_

 

_“… Himself isn’t enough because he thought there is no place for him… This you thought when you met Damon last time. Why did you accept to make the deal with Cade ? Because did you want a purpose ? Because did you want to save him ? Or because you know, that in the end of this story, he will own you ?”_

 

_“…Because I wanted him to understand how deeply my love for him really was, but also because I wanted him to feel shame for how he treated me and when everything will be over, he will own my happiness and that’s alone is an undeniable truth. I couldn’t find joy in anything before but a purpose gives you hope, hope gives you strength. Depression is not so strong anymore. You live for something and you can decide for what, a soul to save or a place in Hell. You have alternatives. You taste freedom…”_

 

_“…Then it’s only wrath and determination that keep you going on. Depression is still there, latent, silent, sometimes it’s strong, but can’t dominate you anymore. You wished you had this strength before…”_

 

_“… You wished you had the strength to live for yourself, instead of playing roles… You wished you had fought to become a doctor… You wished you had had the strength to kiss the doctor and sent your father in Hell before… You wished you could take back everything other stole from you…”_

 

_“… A part of me accept Cade’s ideals, because I wanted revenge. I wanted to punish people who suffocate others, people who made other felt like they worth nothing… I wanted to kill that kind of people… the ones who cause mental illness in other, they’re the worst”_

 

_“…How did you consider your father before to kill him ? Food ? An emery ? The first pawn to sacrifice in your game against destiny ?”_

 

_Stefan should felt shamed of what he confessed or what he was going to confess, but a part of him felt relief. Relief because he finally could confess himself, because finally he had the strength to admit, even if only to himself, all those things he had stubbornly tried to disown._

_Yes, he was depressed._

_Yes, he wanted help._

_Yes, he was angry that nobody wanted to help him._

_Yes, he used his father to obtain immortality as his father’d done with him._

_Yes, he couldn’t deny a part of him wanted Damon to own him._

_Yes, he turned Damon because Stefan didn’t want to be alone, because he knew he would brake down at some point._

_Bloodlust, in the end, was like an eating disorder for him, a vomiting bulimia_

_Stefan closed his eyes to all of this for so long until he saw, on the opposite side, the Ripper. If Stefan eliminated the Ripper all of his sufferance…_

_The mirrors enlighten in red, the imagines changed… all of the mirrors showed one only murderous intent._

_Stefan saw a killer in all the mirrors, he saw all the bad things he would have done, he saw the evil he wished he’d done. The mirrors was showing him that Ripper was always inside him. Deep inside his heart, deep under his skin, deep in the synapsis of his brain._

 

_“What’s you angle with all of this ?”_

 

_“You felt in chains. Now you want a world in chains”_

 

_“No, I don’t”_

 

_“Yes, you do. Because I do. You’re me, I’m you”_

 

_“No, after tonight, I will tell Klaus everything I confessed before, then I won’t need you anymore, you will finally disappear !”_

 

_“Ahahahah !!” Laughed the Ripper “I’m the nightmare you can’t stop loving. I’m the drug you will always be addicted.”_

 

_“No, you won’t. I know now the face of the evil inside me, I can find a solution”_

 

_“You asked me to kill your father, you beg me stay by your side anytime you’re depressed. I’m the symptom of your disease, but a disease you need, because without me… you’re nothing”_

 

_Stefan smirked, then he punched the Ripper again._

_The chain cracked. It brake. One arm was free. The Ripper licked his lips and growled._

 

 

**_This is not a dream my friend_ **

**_And it will never end_ **

**_This one is the nightmare that goes on_ **

**_Hyde is here to stay_ **

**_No matter what you may pretend!_ **

**_And he'll flourish_ **

**_Long after you're gone_ **

 

 

_“How could you not deny your faults but still reject me ?” Asked the Ripper punching Stefan on the right cheek so hard to make him lose a tooth._

 

_Stefan didn’t even see it coming. He only felt the pain, the blood and the tooth on his tongue. Stefan almost swallowed it, before spitting it on the floor._

 

_“Look around you…” said the Ripper indicating the mirrors “…You can’t run nor hide anymore…”_

 

_Stefan closed his eyes, refusing to see the reality even when it was thrown right in his face, in front of his eyes, claimed to be seen, understood, accepted. Claimed to be listened._

_Stefan refused to accept it._

_He wanted to destroy all those mirrors._

_He wanted to kill the killer on the other side._

_He opened his eyes but the Ripper wasn’t in front of him anymore._

 

_“There’s no point in hiding, my dear” said Stefan “I swear, I will leave this room with you dead”_

 

_He heard rumors of chains behind him and he saw the Ripper inside the mirror. Actually the Ripper was reflected in any mirrors, at the center of the room, with one chain around his left wrist. Now the black veins his face were visible._

_His lips violet and now he was paler than Stefan._

_Stefan didn’t mind, the more the differences between them, the easier would be remember that the Ripper had to be destroyed._

 

_“Who’s hiding ? Look at this…” said the Ripper pointing the mirror at his left._

 

_In that mirror appeared the moment when Stefan killed his father in his studio. The prologue of his tragedy. The first step into a world made of blood, murder and power._

_But it wasn’t only the memory… the mirrors focused on Stefan’s expression and Stefan felt like he was seeing himself for the first time._

_The man inside the mirror, was… scared… hurt… because his father was afraid of him, but there was also something else. The man in the mirror knew what was going to happen, he knew the man in front of him would have been dead in few minutes and despite this knowledge… here he was. Ready to attack his father at the jugular, to feed on his blood. The man inside the mirror also said some words Stefan didn’t remember to say._

 

_“You brought me to live once…” whispered Stefan in the mirror “… Now you have yo give me life again…”_

 

_Stefan turned toward the Ripper, carefully to avoid looking him in the eyes._

 

_“Look how good we kill together” said the Ripper “I’m the only personality you do not a need a mask for.”_

 

_“Shut up”_

 

_“We wanted to kill him. We wanted to have our revenge !”_

 

_“Revenge for what ? Father was an harsh man but I didn’t hate…”_

 

_“… And nevertheless you knew that if your father had knew you as I do, if he had knew about the doctor… he would have despised and disinherited you. Why should he have lived when he prevented you from doing the same ? That was what you were thinking in that moment….”_

 

_“Stop it !”_

 

_Stefan tried to punch the mirror, but the glad didn’t brake, not even a sign ruined the perfect surface._

_The Ripper laughed at his idiotic attempt to destroy the truth._

 

_“If you react like this for this… I will find more hesilrrating how you’ll react to this”_

 

_On the mirror on the Ripper’s right appeared what it looked like the terrace of a large Mansion or a hotel. Stefan didn’t even recall where he was or what was the age. He was dressed up in his Hunter suit, that Stefan rarely changed since he always wore black comfortable clothes._

_Nevertheless Stefan recalled the name of the man inside the mirror. Handsome, dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, wicked grin, arrogant… Julian, his mother’s lover._

 

_“Don’t take it personal… Lily was my touchstone. She was the very thing that tethered me to my sanity.”_

 

_“That’s why you took her away from her children”_

 

_“She wanted to run away from your father. She wanted to be happy”_

 

_“She should have taken me and Damon with her”_

 

_“You brats ? Come on. You would only make her unhappier. After all, she didn’t need any of you, only me, only her new family”_

 

_Stefan continued to be confused about that moment. He knew he killed Julian, but he didn’t remember that conversation. He was confused… terribly confused. When all of that happened ?_

_He looked for any trace of the Ripper on the Stefan’s face inside the mirror but there was no one. It was him, not the Ripper, him._

 

_“Okay, so… she left us by her choice, to be the strong bad ripper and build a new solid family with you and your wenches” said Stefan with anger._

 

_“Now you’re rude” said Julian laughing at his anger._

 

_“I couldn’t care less, she was my mother and I needed of her. I needed her to be close to me. Instead she abandoned me, for you”_

 

_“So what ? Now… you will kill me to get your revenge on me ? You won’t hurt me, but your mother, lad”_

 

_It was then… then… Stefan looked at the mirror with wide eyes because it was in that moment that the expression on his face changed. It was then that Stefan ceased to be and Ripper took his place._

_Smirk, black veins, ferocious expression… a laugh that could scare even the Devil himself._

 

_“Exactly. Sorry man, to hurt my mother I need you to die”_

 

_Stefan remembered then. Her mother used to be a Ripper, as him. She wasn’t able to control his bloodlust. Stefan should have killed her, but he was already guilty of patricide, he didn’t want to add matricide in his sins list. But her fiancé was a murder and a cruel person and Stefan couldn’t ignore him too. That was what Stefan kept telling himself. That he had to kill Julian because he was a sinner and sinners had to be burned with Hellfire._

_The mirror was showing him another story completely._

_That he killed Julian for a second reason… to hurt his mother… indeed… he was watchingit in the mirror… The Ripper his Julian and broke any bones inside his body, then he dragged the blond haired man in the bedroom he shared with Lily. He waited for Lily to come back there, to kill Julian in front of her with Hellfire._

 

_“No…” he whispered with tears in his eyes._

 

_“Yes, we did. Steffy. That was you and me, together. Look her tears... hear her cries… You wanted to hurt her. She deserved to suffer”_

 

_Stefan knew that his resentment for his mother was strong, that he tried so hard to forgive her and not let anger consumed him but in the end, he couldn’t simply forget._

_She was his mother, she should have fought for him. She should have taken him away with her._

_She was supposed to love him among anything and anyone else. Instead she chose to live like a monster, ripping people apart and creating a new family with a dreadful man._

_She deserved to suffer… Killing her would require pity, Stefan felt no pity for her._

_He wanted her to feel alone as he always felt._

_Alone… because if you lost the people you loved… no one could take his place and loneliness was even worse than death._

_Stefan wanted to see her suffer, wanted her to beg him for his forgiveness._

 

_“I want her to understand me. To feel lonely and desperate, to have her happiness slipping through her fingers…”_

 

_“We couldn’t avoid to think that maybe, if she’d remained, everything would have been different…”_

 

_“Maybe she would have understood me… my crush for the young doctor… my lack of self-esteem… my inability to fight for what I want… my tendency of accepting only what it was given to me… that stupid belief that with kindness you can be happy and accepted by anyone… she could…”_

 

_“She couldn’t have corrected you Steffy. Did you notice the difference between the two murderers ?”_

 

_“A murder is always a murder” replied Stefan._

 

_“No, any murder has its melody and symphony. It’s an unique experience and left you with a different taste on your tongue. Did you notice the difference ? I did, so did you”_

 

_Of course Stefan noticed the difference…_

_He killed his father because he needed. Mors tua vita mea. Stefan knew that if he didn’t feed on anyone he would be dead. It was almost symbolic that his father gave him the key to life twice. Stefan killed him quickly, because, deep in his heart, he didn’t want his father to suffer too much. Even thought Giuseppe Salvatore wasn’t an ideal father, he remained with them. In his… ways, he tried to be a decent father despite being a piece of shit._

_His mother simply disappeared and hide like the worst of the criminals. Stefan literally tortured and burned Julian in front of his mother, he killed the man slowly because he wanted his mother to suffer and because, any time she would look see even the littlest flame, she would remember him, Julian, the hellfire, everything._

_She would suffer over and over again._

_The first murder was… necessary to survive._

_The second ones was… a revenge._

 

_“We did it together. You asked me for my strength. I’m your strength. You need me. Otherwise you would have never had the balls to kill your father and survive, or to kill Julian to protect yourself from Cade”_

 

_“Cade had nothing to do with it, for once”_

 

_“You’re wrong. Cade was furious with you when he found out you couldn’t cut off your bond with your mother. He could have asked you to kill her too, but he didn’t. Who knows why ? Oh, yes, I do, so do you”_

 

 

_Stefan bite his lower lip. He knew why Cade didn’t insist with him to kill Lily. Cade was a brilliant man and when his fury ceased to blind him, he understood that Stefan kept Lily alive only to see her suffer. Useless saying that it was enough to pleasure him, so Cade accepted only Julian’s soul in Hell._

 

_“We wanted her to suffer”_

 

_“You forgave your father, you couldn’t do the same with mother. You can accept imperfection, you can’t accept abandon. She infused you your fear of abandon, you couldn’t accept it”_

 

_“No, I couldn’t. It makes difficult creating bonds with people. Because of her, I’m so afraid of getting close to people and so I confine myself into a cage of solitude.”_

 

_“Because of her, you fear your love for Klaus. You’re afraid he will abandon you too. That’s why a part of you beg for me to destroy him, before he destroys you”_

 

_“I do not only fear for him to leave me. I also fear him to…”_

 

_“Betray you” concluded the Ripper for him “That’s why you beg me to kill him sometimes. Sometimes is simply so easy run away from him, pretend you could kill him anytime… Believe I would kill him for you”_

 

_“Why ? You killed him in front of me before”_

 

_The Ripper laughed and for a moment the entire room tremble at the terrible sound. That laugh irritated Stefan so much that he used all his strength to hit the mirror, but he hit the other chain of the Ripper, finding himself at the center of them room. He fell on the floor, hitting his nose on the glass._

 

_“Desire and desperation. Desire rises, desperations fells” said the Ripper kneeling next to Stefan “Maybe I should kill Klaus, after all, if we succeed to save him then… we won’t have all the power we have now…”_

 

_“No…”_

 

_“Or I can do something better… Kill you and have Klaus all for myself, dragging him deeper with me into damnation, turning him into an Hunter, he would be my hellish lover. Maybe we will rule the world together”_

 

_“NO !”_

 

_Stefan tried to punch the Ripper, but the Ripper caught his wrist and snapped it._

 

_“He has loved me once… he would do it again… He will make me stay and someday he will love me more than you… He loves predators not bees. I will flourish and when I get out of this room, you would be already dead”_

 

**Soon you will die and my memory will hide you**

**You cannot choose but to lose control!**

 

**_You can't control me I live deep inside you_ **

**_Each day you'll feel me devour your soul!_ **

 

**I don't need you to survive like you need me**

**I'll become whole as you dance with death!**

**And I'll rejoice as you breathe your final breath!**

 

_Stefan found the only idea of the Ripper and Klaus together simply insufferable. He couldn’t let the Ripper turning the only man Stefan’d ever loved into a never-ending hell of passion, sex and murder. He wanted something better for Klaus and Hope._

_He didn’t care if the entire world hated Klaus for his past sins, he didn’t care if a lot of people wished Klaus to suffer, if Cade didn’t approve his feelings. Stefan would always love him, fight for him. If he had to protect Klaus from himself too… then Stefan would fight the Ripper._

 

_“I don’t need you… no more… no more…”_

 

_“How could you not need me no more ?” Asked the Ripper mocking Stefan, putting a foot behind his nape and pushing it against the floor._

 

_“Here… you enjoy the idea of you being the dominant personality, well, may you’re not. I’m the stronger of the two, I will protect Klaus and Eri better”_

 

_“In your dreams, you son of a bitch”_

 

_Stefan moved as quickly as he could, he used all his strength to escape from the Ripper. Once he was distant enough, the Ripper tried to attack him with a punch, but Stefan grabbed his wrist, put an hand on his throat and made him fall on the floor._

 

_“You’re right, you’re my strength but that’s everything”_

 

_The Ripper stood up and punched Stefan in the face and said “Actually this makes more sense for me. Klaus would be flatter if he knows we’re fighting for him”_

 

_“Really ? I thought you was fighting for yourself alone”_

 

_“For myself and everything I will have once I become the one and only of us, since you’re so determinate to eliminate me”_

 

_The Ripper grabbed Stefan’s throat, with one hand and tighten, with the other he tried to punch Stefan on the stomach, but Stefan scratched his left eye, then hit him on the forearm, grabbed his wrist and pushed the Ripper on the floor again._

 

_“See ? You fight like a ferocious beast, completely out of control !” Shouted Stefan._

 

_“And do do you want to control me now ? Why ? I live inside of you, I’m a part you and nevertheless you treats me like rubbish despite everything I did for you”_

 

_The Ripper kicked Stefan’s leg, making him lose his balance and make him fall backwards._

 

_“See ? Now both of us have the ass on the floor. You’re not better than me. You can’t. Why do you have to be so perfect ? Whoever matters will accept you despite me. Maybe accepts me too.”_

 

_“Shut up”_

 

_Stefan tried to assault the Ripper but he fell on the floor again. He stood up and he adverted the presence of someone else behind, he grabbed Ripper’s ankle, then his knee and elbow it. The Ripper elbow him on his nose, twice, making Stefan lost his grip on the leg. The Ripper kicked Stefan in the face, then again in the stomach. Stefan protected himself from the thirdkick with his both arms._

 

_“I was depressed because of you” said Stefan “I hoped to die, only to see you die with me”_

 

_“Yes I know. I couldn’t let you succeed, I was you, but now… If you dies, I can live and have everything I deserve. I will kill everyone who stands in my way. I will make Klaus happy”_

 

_With a strong rush, Stefan ran toward the Ripper, surrounding his neck and right arm with his both arms and tripping him with one leg, making both of them falling on the floor._

 

_“I will make him happy, I’m the love that could save him. Kindness, devotion, protection, love…. The light of heaven anyone deserves in his life”_

 

_“I’m the love that could consume him” said the Ripper “Passion, lust, desire, obsession… the fire that can burn any heart”_

 

_The Ripper disappeared again and Stefan had just the time to stand up before the Ripper could kick him on the stomach._

_Stefan wanted to destroy the other. The problem was that the Ripper seemed to be able to manipulate that room and disappearing through the mirror as he pleasured. He had an advantage. If he at least knew a way to brake the mirrors. If he found a way to escape, or to kill the Ripper once and for all. There couldn’t be two minds in one body, one of them had to die, and Stefan would make sure that it would be the Ripper._

 

_“I wasn’t your enemy…” said the Ripper “… If you hadn’t been so determinate to eliminate me, I would have been your friend now”_

 

_“Friend ?”_

 

_“You lack of social skills, if it wasn’t for me, for those moments when I lent you my confidence, now you would’ve been completely alone. I’m the fear the warn you when there’s a danger, I’m the suspicion that warn you when someone tries to deceive and manipulate you, I’m the anger that pushes you do stand up and fight. I protected you, when no one else would have moved a finger for you”_

 

_Stefan couldn’t believe his eyes… The… Ripper… was… crying… and punching the floor under him._

_What the hell was happening ?_

_Why was his body trembling ?_

_Why couldn’t he move ? Now that the Ripper was so lost in his cry that he would be easy for Stefan to kill him._

_Stefan shouldn’t feel pity for the worst part of himself. Ripper represented everything Stefan despised about himself the most. The wrath, the ferocious, the lack of control, the sadism, that need to hurt people and laugh at their pain._

_The fear that adverted him of dangerous ? True, Ripper’s voice was stronger when Stefan felt to be in danger._

_Stefan was a skilled fighter, the Ripper used more violence._

_The suspicion ? Arguable. Stefan rarely trusted people, but if he had suspicious, Ripper made them reality._

_The anger that pushed him to stand up and fight ? Stefan sometimes lack of conviction and… courage, sometimes he simple took what was given to him but… come on, why was he even thinking about it ?_

_The Ripper was anything of this for him. The Ripper was a plague, the virus inside his veins that poisoned his nervous system. The Ripper was…._

 

_“Klaus was the first person who loved me, before you” said the Ripper crying “He didn’t care if I was broken, he though I was magnificent. You can’t take him away from me !!”_

 

_Ripper punched Stefan in the face so hard that Stefan felt another tooth on his tongue, that he spitted on the floor._

 

_“Eri also loves me. Who of us saved her back in Monterey ? Me, that night she saw me !! If it was for you, you would have tried to save her and failed her. I protected her ! You want to take her away from me as well !”_

 

_That time Ripper kicked him on the solar plexus and that time Stefan almost scream for pain._

 

_“You aren’t the only one who’d been abandoned. You’re me, I’m you, I’ve been abandoned as well. I lost Klaus because of you once, I won’t lose him or Eri ever again !”_

 

_Ripper tried to hit him again, but this time Stefan grabbed both his arms and stopped him._

 

_“I live inside you… forever” whispered the Ripper, hitting Stefan on the nose._

 

**_I live inside you forever!_ **

 

**No!**

 

**_With Satan himself by my side!_ **

 

**No!**

 

**_And I know that now and forever_ **

**_They'll never be able to_ **

**_Seperate_ **

**_Jeckyll from Hyde!_ **

 

**Can't you see? It's-**

**Over now! Time to die!**

 

**_Oh not I, only you!_ **

 

**If I die, you'll die too!**

 

**_You'll die in me and I'll be you!_ **

 

**Damn you Hyde,**

**Leave me be!**

 

**_Can't you see? You are me!_ **

 

**No!**

**Deep inside,**

 

**_I am you, you are Hyde!_ **

 

**No, never!**

 

**_Yes forever!_ **

 

**God Damn you Hyde, you take all your evil deeds, and rot in Hell!**

 

**_I'll see you there Jeckyll!_ **

 

**No!**

 

_For a single moment… Stefan though to be finally able to understand Cade._

_All the world hated him, even though most of people were not aware to hate him directly. Stefan knew that that hatred hurt Cade, deeply, because it made him feel alone and misunderstood._

_Maybe that was the reason why Cade loved so much codependency. Cade wanted his hunters to understand what it meant being alone, alienated, different, hated._

_He wanted them to understand what it meant when the entire world fought against them._

_Cade wanted them to understand what it meant feel alone in the world, a place where no one would ever accept you. Cade wanted them to feel as he’d been feeling since the moment his entire village learnt the truth about his psychic powers._

_He wanted them to know what it meant being hated, abandoned, betrayed, he wanted them to know that he knew what it meant, That he used to be human once, that in the end, they weren’t so different, that no one could understand their pain better than him._

_He wanted them to know… that there was nothing wrong with them._

_With how they chose to live their lives._

_With who they chose to love._

_With who they really were._

_What they really were._

_Cade wanted them to be aware to live in a world where the worst crime someone could be blamed for was to be different._

_Deformed._

_Abnormal._

_Homosexual._

_Psychics._

_Vampires._

_Werewolves._

_Witches._

_For the world, being one of those thing was a fault, Cade wanted them to accept themselves._

_Cade wanted them to understand that no one had the right to tell them to be different._

_Everyone born with burdens and carried that burdens until their death, no one was perfect and society should expected anyone to be perfect._

_Perfect required sacrifices, renounces and lies, so many lies that at some point you couldn’t even recognize the person you looked in the mirror every morning._

_Who had the right to say that what they wanted was wrong ?_

_Who had the right to tell Stefan that he shouldn’t love a man ?_

_That he shouldn’t fight for his dreams because he was undeserving ?_

_He made a lot of mistakes in his life, but he’d never stopped, even for a second, to try to remedy for all of them._

_Always put others before him, always ready to sacrifice everything for his beloved ones, always beg and ask for forgiveness._

_He looked at the Ripper, with tears in his eyes as well. Stefan always felt shame for him, because Stefan always felt ashamed of himself as well. Of his being so wrong, so different, so…_

_He always pushed back his true passions. His anger, his resentment, his crush for the beauty doctor, all the faults that no one should ever see in him._

_The truth was that he turned himself into an heartless puppet a long time ago._

_An emotionless puppet who played the puppeteer._

_Turn off his emotions to use other’s at his advantage._

_Turn off his passion to feel superior to the ones who enjoyed them._

_Turn off his dreams to follow ambitions that weren’t his own._

_Turn off his love to respect convection._

_No emotions, they weren’t appropriate or elegant._

_No opinions, his father could think for him._

_Everyone should have loved him but then…_

_One tiny mistakes…_

_Now his name was a blasphemy, an insult, a whisper, a scream, an imprecation. The name of the paw of Devil._

_Because Devil didn’t care if you lived for you or for other, he didn’t care if you love women or men, he didn’t care if you had everything or nothing… he tore off all the masks on your face and made you faced the world with the only face you’d never dared to show the world._

_Cade wanted Stefan to know this, that even though his father had never loved him, or his brother abandoned him, or the entire world would tried to attack, torture, hate and alienated him… there was always someone Stefan could come back to._

_An home… where he would be welcomed and protected._

_Stefan desired an home above anything else… somewhere where he could love and be loved without fearing anything and anyone. Where he didn’t have to split his mind in two._

 

_“You’re crying…” whispered the Ripper looking at him._

 

_“I cry anytime I have to kill someone… I cry anytime I have to lie… anytime I have to play with someone’ life… I cry anytime I think about the first person I killed…”_

 

_“The first person you killed ? The name is not on the list”_

 

_“Because no one had to know that the first person I killed is the person I would have to be. A person pure of any lies, a person brave enough to be no one but himself, an happy doctor in love with another cute doctor… A person strong enough to fight for himself and his dreams… The world shouldn’t know how much it hurt me”_

 

_“A person complete, not split into personality in a constant conflict for dominance” continued the Ripper standing up._

 

_“It’s ironic that… after life separated us… we found a possibility to be one only after our death…” said Stefan giggling “ A way… I’m not ready to put in actions…”_

 

_The Ripper laughed maniacally “I don’t… ahahah… care… I… still… live inside you… forever… See… Cade is even on my side… he wants you to be…. Me to be…. you… ahahah”_

 

_The more the Ripper laughed and cried altogether, the more the mirrors around them brake._

_In all that chaos, Stefan felt weirdly calm, because finally he knew what had been actually hurting him since… well… ever._

_He finally admitted, at least to himself, that he feared abandon, betrayal, loneliness. He feared to spend the rest of his live being someone else, playing part._

_That he and Ripper were two part of the same creature, that it was right have light and darkness, that together they were stronger than when they tried to exclude the other._

_Of course Stefan didn’t accept the Ripper, he was far from it, but at least now he was able to look him in the eyes without feeling the need of harming himself._

_He wasn’t happy to admit that there was such a dysfunctional part of himself, but he couldn’t let the fear control him anymore._

_He couldn’t and wouldn’t let anything else to control his life anyone._

 

_“No, nor you neither Cade will tell me what to do or not”_

 

_Faster then wind, encouraged by his own determination, Stefan pushed the Ripper, whom fell backward on the floor, breaking it more._

__

_“Time to be tamed, Ripper. Maybe I should accept you, maybe I shouldn’t but if you think that I will let you drag Klaus deeper in Hell…” a kick “:.. or growing Eri apart from me…” another kick “You’re wrong”_

 

_“You simply fear they could love me… over you”_

 

_“How could they ? You said it yourself, they will never be able to separate Stefan from the Ripper”_

 

_“May now you can look so confident… but it will arrive the day when you beg for me and I can ignore you, let you die, take your place, be myself”_

 

 

_“Or maybe it will arrive the day when I am so happy, with the man I love, the daughter I adore and the world looks nothing but a candid place, that I will simply locked you back in the deepest part of my subconscious, forget you, no need you anymore”_

 

_“You will never be happy, you have no idea of how being happy. In the end, you will rot in Hell, with me, with Cade. I only have to wait. You have no idea how to keep your friends close, because you see enemies everywhere, you live in suspicion and in the end… your own fear will devour you.”_

 

_“So should I let you devour me, be the dominant one and take my place ? Wouldn’t be this my greatest failure ? Surrendering to my dark side ?”_

 

_“Or to your most human ones. Humans are ruthless, cruel and easily get angry for futilities. Keep your mask on your face, continue your charade, that’s is what you can do. Let hellfire devour you now…”_

 

_The Ripper’s look would scare anyone in that moment, there were flames in his eyes, ready to burn anyone who dared to look at him._

_Suddenly all the mirrors brake. Both Stefan and Ripper started to fall into the darkness, all they could see in the end was the light emanated by Hellfire._

_They would burn if they continued to fall._

_So that was the end ?_

_Not now… just another day…_

_That was everything Stefan could think about. That was everything he could do. Beg for another day._

_Beg not to let hellfire to devour him._

_Beg not to let the Ripper rise._

_Beg not to let himself fall._

_He and the Ripper together in heaven or hell._

_He and the Ripper… would may burn together… or fight to live another day…_

_Together…_

_Forever…_

_He and the Ripper._

_The snake bitten and that time Stefan accepted his poison._

_The only person who could defeat him, was himself._

 

_'One taste... it's all I need... I just need one more taste...'_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for so much for having read my story !


End file.
